I don't know why Sis. Sherri Long from Calgary, Alberta Canada had to die today.
This lady...who I never met...was by all accounts an amazing woman of God. A teacher, prayer warrior, mother, wife, given to hospitality, loving, gracious, others-minded, and kind.
She fell ill with what she thought was the flu on Monday and passed away today.
Wednesday.
The miracle of internet communication and an Instagram account informed me of this progression.
I prayed for her. I was very burdened. I asked God to raise her up...to restore her health. I questioned that her work here was finished...with so many lives touched by people in both Canada and the United States HOW could it be possible that her time here should end?
Yet today the short message came:
"Sherri gone."
And I am left saying "I don't know..."
I don't know why our dear Crystal Stephen was taken from us. We were robbed of her godly influence as, for several years, cancer ate slowly through every defense that was offered.
In the end it took the life of a lady that has never been replaced in works, character, creativity or sensitivity.
I don't know why young father of 5, husband, attorney, and friend Michael English was ripped from this life in a tragic boating accident.
He left his wife, 4 sons and a months-old daughter.
In many ways none of us have fully recovered from his loss. There is still a gaping hole in the fabric of our faith community.
On a lesser scale of impact I don't know why dear people I love have lost everything in this recent recession.
Homes gone to foreclosure.
Jobs sacrificed to cut-backs and downsizing companies.
Friend's businesses closing their doors.
Credit lost to bankruptcies.
Vehicles repossessed.
Furniture and treasures sold to keep surviving.
These are good people.
Faithful people.
They pay their bills.
They are not deadbeat citizens always looking for an easy way out, a charitable service, or governmental freebie.
I don't know why I am watching single moms struggle to feed their children.
I don't know why I am watching elders on fixed incomes slowly scale back...and back...and back again...in order to make their money last through the month.
I don't know why food, gasoline, rents, household products and clothing prices have risen dramatically the last few years.
We have less to spend.
Yet prices are rising at an unprecedented rate.
I don't know why we are seeing increased cancer, disease, genetic anomalies, heart disease, and diabetes.
The strength and wisdom of the medical community is at an all-time high. We have never before had the knowledge, research facilities, medicines, procedures, sanitation...pure ability...to treat and prevent sickness. Yet we are seeing more debilitating disease and death than it seems we should.
I am opening myself up to criticism here. I know that. It's nothing new.
A lot of folks would be glad to tell me "why" some of these things are happening.
And when they are done we still will not TRULY know.
It's frustrating.
So I intend to focus on what I DO know.
I DO know this...
GOD IS IN CONTROL.
GOD KNOWS MORE THAN I KNOW.
AND GOD LOVES ME. (And you!!!)
(Thank you, Rev. Tim Bollmann)
And I will be peaceful KNOWING that I don't have to explain any of these things.
I will offer what comfort I can.
I will be a listening ear and a helping hand.
I will be cheerful and thankful and do all I can to grow my faith and build the faith of others.
I will offer praise to the God who DOES know, and I will do my best to walk carefully and circumspectly before Him.
I will be careful to not charge God foolishly...and like Job I will do my best to say:
"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!"
Because who am I to demand explanations from the Creator of all things?
The things I don't know will always nag at my human-ness.
But what I DO KNOW will always rise above the nagging voice of doubt to freely declare:
"...nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day."
2 Timothy 1:12 KJV
And that's all I need to know.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
And on that same note...
***Warning*** This post is VERY OPINIONATED. I don't apologize for my stance...but maybe just a little for how firmly I state it. Be forewarned.
I also want to preface this post by saying that every person who has an abundance of disposable stuff does not harbor a deep-seated disrespect for human life and relationships.
I know this.
What I am protesting is the DISPOSABLE MINDSET.
So...here goes.
Buckle up and hang on.
*******
I am appalled at the huge amount of waste I see around me.
Food.
Clothing.
Gadgets.
Toys.
Paper.
Packaging.
I am truly disgusted.
Our society holds very little regard for things.
The paradox is that we are the most materialistic, overloaded people ever, drowning in piles and piles of plastic, synthetic stuff.
We are never satisfied. That new item we HAD to have is outdated in a month.
I was given this cherished iPhone 4 last March.
By September I was asked if I wanted the new 4S out in October.
What a GENEROUS OFFER!!
But, no.
Really!
I love my phone. I am thankful for my phone. I don't know what I would DO without my phone.
But it's only 7 months old. I really DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE...even if it's cool and has new features.
We throw away mountains of stuff.
Packaging.
Plastic bags.
Toss away...throw away EVERYTHING.
Disposable plates. Napkins. Cups. Even flatware.
I know a family who eats EVERY MEAL on disposables because they don't like to wash dishes.
I cannot imagine this.
What about loving your family by taking the time to set the table?
With a tablecloth.
And real, metal flatware.
And napkins.
But I digress. You see...
It isn't only the money spent on things we throw away that bothers me.
It isn't even the burgeoning landfills.
It is the DISPOSABLE MINDSET.
If our belongings are not worth valuing then what is?
Are relationships? The divorce rate and amount of completely dysfunctional families would indicate no.
What about human life? The number of babies lost to abortion and thousands of elderly dying alone in nursing facilities say no.
How about personal integrity?
Financial integrity?
Pride in appearance and deportment?
Discretion in conversation?
Plain old-fashioned courtesy and good manners?
For the most part no, no, no, no, and no.
I know it seems a little farfetched, comparing abortion and plastic baggies.
What I see is the mindset "If I throw this away I can just get another one."
Whether it's a baby, a husband or another trendy $5 toy from Wal-Mart.
"When I get tired of this one I'll find a new one I like better."
"If this inconveniences me I'll just get rid of it."
"Oh, man...that one broke. Oh, well. It was only $5."
It seems that little is valued in our society.
I contrast this to my grandmother's generation. The generation of "waste not-want not" and "use it up".
They had less than we do. Much less.
Fewer belongings.
Fewer clothes, dishes, toys...stuff.
My grandparents were not centered around THINGS.
They valued people.
Popcorn, hot chocolate and a board game.
The ball game on the radio.
A phone conversation with a distant loved one.
They HAD things. They ENJOYED things. But their THINGS were respected and KEPT IN THEIR PROPER PLACE.
It is so sad to see moms screaming at their kids for accidentally soiling their clothes or spilling a drink.
PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THINGS.
Grandma's gifts were often homemade. You knew she thought about you...PLANNED to bless you.
YOU!
And I know that grandma thought modern innovations were great.
Vacuum cleaners and dishwashers and microwaves are awesome.
But even though she had these things and enjoyed them, she did not live long enough to become infected with the disease that is epidemic in our society...
"Give me more NOW! I DESERVE it...even though I didn't earn it and probably won't value it."
She worked hard for what she had a took care of what she acquired.
She respected her possessions AND her relationships and we, her family, did too.
I have a bowl that is 72 years old. My grandma got it for her wedding. It is old and has a chip on one side. But I love it because it represents all I have said so far in this (very opinionated) post.
It has endured...and I value it.
My girls all want it, and someday it will pass to another generation who will treasure it.
Yes. It is JUST A BOWL.
But it represents a whole different mindset.
One I am determined to embrace.
Frugality.
Valuing people and possessions.
Owning less and taking better care of it.
Purchasing things for their value and durability, not for their trendiness or because they are cheap.
Why buy 20 $1 items you don't need just because they are $1?
So...
My goal this year is to own less.
Use as few disposables as I can.
Break from modern thinking and learn to value and appreciate what I already have instead of constantly lusting for MORE STUFF.
Purge my current possessions of cheap, disposable things and carefully consider every future purchase, making sure to buy things of superior quality that I (truly) need.
Not to buy things I DON'T need just because someone else has them.
And to, in my little corner of the world, teach by precept and example a respect for relationships, people, and possessions.
To live a life of abundance with less.
And to have more than I ever thought it was possible to have when I was wallowing in oceans of stuff.
Here's to TRUE progress...clean, tidy spaces.
A few well-chosen possessions.
Good food.
Family and friends and the time to enjoy them.
And the peace that comes from keeping everything...from plates and cups to my marriage...in the best condition I possibly can.
Here's to love, hard work, attention, and time...all lavished on what means most to me:
My home and my family.
We all leave a legacy.
I want mine to be an intentional life, well-lived...one that reflects a proper respect for things and a true understanding of the value of people.
It's time for a change in our world, our society, our thoughts...and the only person I can change is me.
I also want to preface this post by saying that every person who has an abundance of disposable stuff does not harbor a deep-seated disrespect for human life and relationships.
I know this.
What I am protesting is the DISPOSABLE MINDSET.
So...here goes.
Buckle up and hang on.
*******
I am appalled at the huge amount of waste I see around me.
Food.
Clothing.
Gadgets.
Toys.
Paper.
Packaging.
I am truly disgusted.
Our society holds very little regard for things.
The paradox is that we are the most materialistic, overloaded people ever, drowning in piles and piles of plastic, synthetic stuff.
We are never satisfied. That new item we HAD to have is outdated in a month.
I was given this cherished iPhone 4 last March.
By September I was asked if I wanted the new 4S out in October.
What a GENEROUS OFFER!!
But, no.
Really!
I love my phone. I am thankful for my phone. I don't know what I would DO without my phone.
But it's only 7 months old. I really DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE...even if it's cool and has new features.
We throw away mountains of stuff.
Packaging.
Plastic bags.
Toss away...throw away EVERYTHING.
Disposable plates. Napkins. Cups. Even flatware.
I know a family who eats EVERY MEAL on disposables because they don't like to wash dishes.
I cannot imagine this.
What about loving your family by taking the time to set the table?
With a tablecloth.
And real, metal flatware.
And napkins.
But I digress. You see...
It isn't only the money spent on things we throw away that bothers me.
It isn't even the burgeoning landfills.
It is the DISPOSABLE MINDSET.
If our belongings are not worth valuing then what is?
Are relationships? The divorce rate and amount of completely dysfunctional families would indicate no.
What about human life? The number of babies lost to abortion and thousands of elderly dying alone in nursing facilities say no.
How about personal integrity?
Financial integrity?
Pride in appearance and deportment?
Discretion in conversation?
Plain old-fashioned courtesy and good manners?
For the most part no, no, no, no, and no.
I know it seems a little farfetched, comparing abortion and plastic baggies.
What I see is the mindset "If I throw this away I can just get another one."
Whether it's a baby, a husband or another trendy $5 toy from Wal-Mart.
"When I get tired of this one I'll find a new one I like better."
"If this inconveniences me I'll just get rid of it."
"Oh, man...that one broke. Oh, well. It was only $5."
It seems that little is valued in our society.
I contrast this to my grandmother's generation. The generation of "waste not-want not" and "use it up".
They had less than we do. Much less.
Fewer belongings.
Fewer clothes, dishes, toys...stuff.
My grandparents were not centered around THINGS.
They valued people.
Popcorn, hot chocolate and a board game.
The ball game on the radio.
A phone conversation with a distant loved one.
They HAD things. They ENJOYED things. But their THINGS were respected and KEPT IN THEIR PROPER PLACE.
It is so sad to see moms screaming at their kids for accidentally soiling their clothes or spilling a drink.
PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THINGS.
Grandma's gifts were often homemade. You knew she thought about you...PLANNED to bless you.
YOU!
And I know that grandma thought modern innovations were great.
Vacuum cleaners and dishwashers and microwaves are awesome.
But even though she had these things and enjoyed them, she did not live long enough to become infected with the disease that is epidemic in our society...
"Give me more NOW! I DESERVE it...even though I didn't earn it and probably won't value it."
She worked hard for what she had a took care of what she acquired.
She respected her possessions AND her relationships and we, her family, did too.
I have a bowl that is 72 years old. My grandma got it for her wedding. It is old and has a chip on one side. But I love it because it represents all I have said so far in this (very opinionated) post.
It has endured...and I value it.
My girls all want it, and someday it will pass to another generation who will treasure it.
Yes. It is JUST A BOWL.
But it represents a whole different mindset.
One I am determined to embrace.
Frugality.
Valuing people and possessions.
Owning less and taking better care of it.
Purchasing things for their value and durability, not for their trendiness or because they are cheap.
Why buy 20 $1 items you don't need just because they are $1?
So...
My goal this year is to own less.
Use as few disposables as I can.
Break from modern thinking and learn to value and appreciate what I already have instead of constantly lusting for MORE STUFF.
Purge my current possessions of cheap, disposable things and carefully consider every future purchase, making sure to buy things of superior quality that I (truly) need.
Not to buy things I DON'T need just because someone else has them.
And to, in my little corner of the world, teach by precept and example a respect for relationships, people, and possessions.
To live a life of abundance with less.
And to have more than I ever thought it was possible to have when I was wallowing in oceans of stuff.
Here's to TRUE progress...clean, tidy spaces.
A few well-chosen possessions.
Good food.
Family and friends and the time to enjoy them.
And the peace that comes from keeping everything...from plates and cups to my marriage...in the best condition I possibly can.
Here's to love, hard work, attention, and time...all lavished on what means most to me:
My home and my family.
We all leave a legacy.
I want mine to be an intentional life, well-lived...one that reflects a proper respect for things and a true understanding of the value of people.
It's time for a change in our world, our society, our thoughts...and the only person I can change is me.
How Much is Too Much
Lately I have been purging our belongings.
Really.
Like A LOT.
I have given away two-thirds of my clothing.
Half of my shoes.
Lots and lots of books.
Three-quarters of my children's toys.
And housewares.
Don't even get me started.
Coffee mugs...mismatched plates...chipped bowls. Skillets. Tea towels. Lid-less Tupperware.
Appliances.
Oy.
Whoever thought I would need half of the electric gizmos I have? A special donut maker? Really? Quesadilla maker? Even an electric can opener.
Ummm...no.
I'm good, thanks.
Give me my crockpot and my Kitchen-Aid mixer. I am completely happy.
I don't own my possessions.
They own me.
They dictate to me...
"Now you will wash me."
"Now you will store me."
"Now you will maintain me."
"Now you will worry about me."
I'm really, really, REALLY tired of my things owning my time...my attention...my money.
It is true that less is more.
Fewer things - fewer worries.
Less stress. Less work.
More time to spend on other pursuits.
It's a really good feeling...this purging of stuff.
There is a freedom that comes with empty shelves...empty drawers...empty hangers.
I wonder where we got the idea that we need all we have? That more was better? That it was "convenient" to have a bunch of plastic plates (that melt in the microwave and retain odors) than 8 good quality, durable pieces of dinnerware.
I have always enjoyed moving. It always seems like we have so much less stuff when we first move in...BEFORE all the boxes are unpacked.
Soon, however, the lovely open spaces begin to fill up with...things.
And I begin the mad shuffle dance...put-it-here-put-it-there-no-it's-better-over-there-oh-who-cares-shove-it-ANYWHERE.
No more.
I refuse to hang onto every magazine I have ever purchased. The ideas are old and outdated anyway.
And now I have Pinterest...all the ideas I need and more!!! And nothing to shuffle!
I refuse to keep every article of clothing I have obtained.
I don't care what brand it is or how much it cost. If it doesn't fit, or if I don't feel good wearing it...out it goes.
Same with shoes. I don't care how cute they are. If they hurt my feet they're outta here.
I am 45 years old. I have earned the right to my matronly comfort. If I don't want to wear 4 inch vanity heels anymore I DON'T HAVE TO!
Whew.
That felt good.
Now...I know this next part will shock you, but in 26 years of marriage we have never purchased new furniture. (Not counting baby cribs.) We have a loving mishmash of second-hand furniture.
I am thankful.
I am not complaining.
I do not intend to buy furniture. What we have is lovely.
But we have too much. Out it goes.
My children's toys. Too much plastic stuff. Olivia is almost 12. She doesn't play with toys often.
And Julia? It's kinda funny, but she gravitates to the old, vintage toys we have.
The Fisher-Price little people. You know...the ones that run on IMAGINATION -not batteries.
The Chatty Phone (Though I don't think she's ever seen a phone with a receiver. And a cord. And a rotary dial. She knows exactly how to play with it!)
And the dolls.
And books. Like Dick and Jane.
I think she likes the realistic pictures that make sense...
"Look...there is a daddy washing the car. There is a mommy ironing. There is a boy playing with his dog. There are Sally and Puff."
These are the things I am keeping.
Blocks. Puzzles. Books. Interactive toys that require more than pushing a button.
Out with the plastic Dora.
Out with push-button Barney books.
(Ummmm...where did we get a push-button Barney book anyway? I am mystified.)
You see...
I want to sew and garden and cook and bake. I want to play with my girls and my grandson. I want to read and paint and write and create.
I want my girls to use the amazing imaginations they have. I don't want their play to be a regurgitation of someone else's preconceived script.
(Which is yet another reason we don't watch TV or movies...but that's another post.)
I have too much life to live and not enough time to live it.
And I'm tired of juggling my stuff.
I have way, way, WAY better things to do.
Really.
Like A LOT.
I have given away two-thirds of my clothing.
Half of my shoes.
Lots and lots of books.
Three-quarters of my children's toys.
And housewares.
Don't even get me started.
Coffee mugs...mismatched plates...chipped bowls. Skillets. Tea towels. Lid-less Tupperware.
Appliances.
Oy.
Whoever thought I would need half of the electric gizmos I have? A special donut maker? Really? Quesadilla maker? Even an electric can opener.
Ummm...no.
I'm good, thanks.
Give me my crockpot and my Kitchen-Aid mixer. I am completely happy.
I don't own my possessions.
They own me.
They dictate to me...
"Now you will wash me."
"Now you will store me."
"Now you will maintain me."
"Now you will worry about me."
I'm really, really, REALLY tired of my things owning my time...my attention...my money.
It is true that less is more.
Fewer things - fewer worries.
Less stress. Less work.
More time to spend on other pursuits.
It's a really good feeling...this purging of stuff.
There is a freedom that comes with empty shelves...empty drawers...empty hangers.
I wonder where we got the idea that we need all we have? That more was better? That it was "convenient" to have a bunch of plastic plates (that melt in the microwave and retain odors) than 8 good quality, durable pieces of dinnerware.
I have always enjoyed moving. It always seems like we have so much less stuff when we first move in...BEFORE all the boxes are unpacked.
Soon, however, the lovely open spaces begin to fill up with...things.
And I begin the mad shuffle dance...put-it-here-put-it-there-no-it's-better-over-there-oh-who-cares-shove-it-ANYWHERE.
No more.
I refuse to hang onto every magazine I have ever purchased. The ideas are old and outdated anyway.
And now I have Pinterest...all the ideas I need and more!!! And nothing to shuffle!
I refuse to keep every article of clothing I have obtained.
I don't care what brand it is or how much it cost. If it doesn't fit, or if I don't feel good wearing it...out it goes.
Same with shoes. I don't care how cute they are. If they hurt my feet they're outta here.
I am 45 years old. I have earned the right to my matronly comfort. If I don't want to wear 4 inch vanity heels anymore I DON'T HAVE TO!
Whew.
That felt good.
Now...I know this next part will shock you, but in 26 years of marriage we have never purchased new furniture. (Not counting baby cribs.) We have a loving mishmash of second-hand furniture.
I am thankful.
I am not complaining.
I do not intend to buy furniture. What we have is lovely.
But we have too much. Out it goes.
My children's toys. Too much plastic stuff. Olivia is almost 12. She doesn't play with toys often.
And Julia? It's kinda funny, but she gravitates to the old, vintage toys we have.
The Fisher-Price little people. You know...the ones that run on IMAGINATION -not batteries.
The Chatty Phone (Though I don't think she's ever seen a phone with a receiver. And a cord. And a rotary dial. She knows exactly how to play with it!)
And the dolls.
And books. Like Dick and Jane.
I think she likes the realistic pictures that make sense...
"Look...there is a daddy washing the car. There is a mommy ironing. There is a boy playing with his dog. There are Sally and Puff."
These are the things I am keeping.
Blocks. Puzzles. Books. Interactive toys that require more than pushing a button.
Out with the plastic Dora.
Out with push-button Barney books.
(Ummmm...where did we get a push-button Barney book anyway? I am mystified.)
You see...
I want to sew and garden and cook and bake. I want to play with my girls and my grandson. I want to read and paint and write and create.
I want my girls to use the amazing imaginations they have. I don't want their play to be a regurgitation of someone else's preconceived script.
(Which is yet another reason we don't watch TV or movies...but that's another post.)
I have too much life to live and not enough time to live it.
And I'm tired of juggling my stuff.
I have way, way, WAY better things to do.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Worth it to Me
I woke up this morning with this post rolling around in my head. It was playing nine-pins with the thundering headache I've had for the last two days.
All my life I've been told:
"Nothing in life is free."
"Everything costs something."
This is true. It is an indisputable fact.
Even when items are given to you and no money exchanges hands those things still cost something.
They cost to transport.
Store.
Maintain.
They cost time.
Concern.
Thought.
You spend effort...invest yourself...in every decision you make. Nothing is free. Everything costs something.
My point is this...
I have ONE life.
I have the same 24 hours a day, 365 days a year that everyone else has.
I have responsibilities to discharge. Duties to perform. LIFE to LIVE.
I have gifts to develop. Skills to hone. Talents to use.
And every decision costs me something.
So WHATEVER I'm investing in had BETTER BE WORTH IT.
Because you don't get another chance once your trips around the sun are completed.
For instance...
I will never get a chance to re-raise my children. THAT is a bittersweet truth, believe me. And coming from a mama who has 5 of her 7 children well-launched into adulthood it is sobering as well.
I can never go back and change any decision I've made concerning my kids. I can't go back and be more or less than I was at the moment of initial investment.
I am almost 46 years old. There are parts of my youth I will never recapture. There are opportunities lost that I can never reclaim. Doors slammed shut that will never crack open again in my lifetime.
The decisions that I have made along the way...the investments of time and energy...have shaped who I am and where I am going. They detail every memory and provide a catalog of my priorities.
Decisions.
Investments.
Everything costs something.
The books I've read. The classes I've taken. The subjects I've researched. The things I've spent my time on. They define me.
And the question is:
Is it worth it?
If I have ONE SHOT at this adventure called life...if I have ONE CHANCE to raise each of my children...if I have ONE OPPORTUNITY to prepare for eternity...then how I'm investing my life had BETTER BE WORTH IT.
Many times I have heard the words "You push yourself too hard." or "You do too much." or "You expect too much out of yourself."
To this I say no.
No, I don't.
Because I have one life to GIVE and it's worth it to me.
It's worth the necessary effort to take good care of my family. To cook from scratch. To garden and raise chickens and milk goats and butcher pigs.
Because I have time and energy to invest in my family's health and well-being but not lots of money. I want them to eat as well as I can afford. Food that I KNOW was raised and fed and processed properly.
It's worth it to sew and craft and re-make and refinish and re-do in order to dress my family well and create a warm, cozy home for them.
It's worth it to me to get up early and stay up late making sure my home is tidy and my family is prepared to face each day. Because I have one chance EACH DAY to do my best.
It's worth it to me to have our whole family over...all 30 of us...and cook and clean and serve and prepare. To play games and laugh and share stories and time. Because on this earth your RELATIONSHIPS are what matter...not your THINGS.
It's worth it to me to forgo fancy vacations and expensive clothes and frequent meals out in order to be home with my family.
We've maintained our home and raised 7 children on one income for 26 years. I'm proud of that. We've had everything we needed and most of what we wanted that entire time. Including trips to Disneyland and summer camps, and lots of fun.
But I'm telling you...it's cost me something.
And it's cost David something.
And we both agree it's been worth the investment.
It's worth it to me to love...even when it breaks my heart.
And it's worth it to me to trust...even when I am betrayed.
And it's worth it to me to give...even when I'm taken advantage of.
Because if you don't LOVE and TRUST and GIVE you aren't really living.
It's worth it to me to pray even when it seems at times that God does not hear or answer.
It's worth it to me to believe in things I cannot see and do not understand.
Because I KNOW God is listening...even when the heavens seem brass. I have the answered prayers that prove He listens and answers.
And I KNOW the impossible things I have seen happen because of unwavering faith.
And I have EXPERIENCED the beauty of God revealing Himself to me many times.
We live 35 minutes from our chosen place of worship. Gasoline prices being what they are it doesn't fit into our budget to go home between morning and evening services.
So we go in on Sunday morning. I pack a picnic lunch. I gather blankets and pillows and crayons and books for the little girls. We pack extra clothes and toiletries.
And when morning service is over we find a quiet place and share our lunch. And read stories. And color. And nap.
Then we get up and prepare for evening service.
And it's worth it. Because I am investing in eternity for my kids. I am placing a priority on knowing Jesus and putting Him FIRST.
The kids love it. Sunday is their favorite day of the week. It's the day we have FUN AT CHURCH.
And it's worth it to me...this sacrifice of home-comforts on Sundays.
Because everything costs something.
And I'm investing.
It's worth it to me to fall into bed exhausted, with every cell screaming after having worked 10 or 12 or 16 hours on an event.
Because I have served.
And I have given.
And Jesus walked all the way to the top of Mount Calvary for me. In spite of the agony. He went all the way. It was what He came to do.
And while I know it isn't my responsibility to die for the sins of the world, I do take the responsibilities entrusted to me very seriously.
And it's worth every second I invest.
So the conclusion of this is...
(and please remember...anyone who happens across this online journal...I write to myself.)
...that everything costs something.
And what you pay had better be worth the price.
With one precious life to live I refuse to invest in vain pursuits.
Flimsy dreams.
Selfish desires.
I want...more than anything...to come to the end of my life and have Jesus say well-done.
Well done with your time.
Well done with your family.
Well done with your talents.
Well done with your finances.
Well done with your intellect.
Well done with your home and resources.
Well done with your loyalties.
Well done.
I'm trying very, very hard to hear those words.
And it's worth it to me.
All my life I've been told:
"Nothing in life is free."
"Everything costs something."
This is true. It is an indisputable fact.
Even when items are given to you and no money exchanges hands those things still cost something.
They cost to transport.
Store.
Maintain.
They cost time.
Concern.
Thought.
You spend effort...invest yourself...in every decision you make. Nothing is free. Everything costs something.
My point is this...
I have ONE life.
I have the same 24 hours a day, 365 days a year that everyone else has.
I have responsibilities to discharge. Duties to perform. LIFE to LIVE.
I have gifts to develop. Skills to hone. Talents to use.
And every decision costs me something.
So WHATEVER I'm investing in had BETTER BE WORTH IT.
Because you don't get another chance once your trips around the sun are completed.
For instance...
I will never get a chance to re-raise my children. THAT is a bittersweet truth, believe me. And coming from a mama who has 5 of her 7 children well-launched into adulthood it is sobering as well.
I can never go back and change any decision I've made concerning my kids. I can't go back and be more or less than I was at the moment of initial investment.
I am almost 46 years old. There are parts of my youth I will never recapture. There are opportunities lost that I can never reclaim. Doors slammed shut that will never crack open again in my lifetime.
The decisions that I have made along the way...the investments of time and energy...have shaped who I am and where I am going. They detail every memory and provide a catalog of my priorities.
Decisions.
Investments.
Everything costs something.
The books I've read. The classes I've taken. The subjects I've researched. The things I've spent my time on. They define me.
And the question is:
Is it worth it?
If I have ONE SHOT at this adventure called life...if I have ONE CHANCE to raise each of my children...if I have ONE OPPORTUNITY to prepare for eternity...then how I'm investing my life had BETTER BE WORTH IT.
Many times I have heard the words "You push yourself too hard." or "You do too much." or "You expect too much out of yourself."
To this I say no.
No, I don't.
Because I have one life to GIVE and it's worth it to me.
It's worth the necessary effort to take good care of my family. To cook from scratch. To garden and raise chickens and milk goats and butcher pigs.
Because I have time and energy to invest in my family's health and well-being but not lots of money. I want them to eat as well as I can afford. Food that I KNOW was raised and fed and processed properly.
It's worth it to sew and craft and re-make and refinish and re-do in order to dress my family well and create a warm, cozy home for them.
It's worth it to me to get up early and stay up late making sure my home is tidy and my family is prepared to face each day. Because I have one chance EACH DAY to do my best.
It's worth it to me to have our whole family over...all 30 of us...and cook and clean and serve and prepare. To play games and laugh and share stories and time. Because on this earth your RELATIONSHIPS are what matter...not your THINGS.
It's worth it to me to forgo fancy vacations and expensive clothes and frequent meals out in order to be home with my family.
We've maintained our home and raised 7 children on one income for 26 years. I'm proud of that. We've had everything we needed and most of what we wanted that entire time. Including trips to Disneyland and summer camps, and lots of fun.
But I'm telling you...it's cost me something.
And it's cost David something.
And we both agree it's been worth the investment.
It's worth it to me to love...even when it breaks my heart.
And it's worth it to me to trust...even when I am betrayed.
And it's worth it to me to give...even when I'm taken advantage of.
Because if you don't LOVE and TRUST and GIVE you aren't really living.
It's worth it to me to pray even when it seems at times that God does not hear or answer.
It's worth it to me to believe in things I cannot see and do not understand.
Because I KNOW God is listening...even when the heavens seem brass. I have the answered prayers that prove He listens and answers.
And I KNOW the impossible things I have seen happen because of unwavering faith.
And I have EXPERIENCED the beauty of God revealing Himself to me many times.
We live 35 minutes from our chosen place of worship. Gasoline prices being what they are it doesn't fit into our budget to go home between morning and evening services.
So we go in on Sunday morning. I pack a picnic lunch. I gather blankets and pillows and crayons and books for the little girls. We pack extra clothes and toiletries.
And when morning service is over we find a quiet place and share our lunch. And read stories. And color. And nap.
Then we get up and prepare for evening service.
And it's worth it. Because I am investing in eternity for my kids. I am placing a priority on knowing Jesus and putting Him FIRST.
The kids love it. Sunday is their favorite day of the week. It's the day we have FUN AT CHURCH.
And it's worth it to me...this sacrifice of home-comforts on Sundays.
Because everything costs something.
And I'm investing.
It's worth it to me to fall into bed exhausted, with every cell screaming after having worked 10 or 12 or 16 hours on an event.
Because I have served.
And I have given.
And Jesus walked all the way to the top of Mount Calvary for me. In spite of the agony. He went all the way. It was what He came to do.
And while I know it isn't my responsibility to die for the sins of the world, I do take the responsibilities entrusted to me very seriously.
And it's worth every second I invest.
So the conclusion of this is...
(and please remember...anyone who happens across this online journal...I write to myself.)
...that everything costs something.
And what you pay had better be worth the price.
With one precious life to live I refuse to invest in vain pursuits.
Flimsy dreams.
Selfish desires.
I want...more than anything...to come to the end of my life and have Jesus say well-done.
Well done with your time.
Well done with your family.
Well done with your talents.
Well done with your finances.
Well done with your intellect.
Well done with your home and resources.
Well done with your loyalties.
Well done.
I'm trying very, very hard to hear those words.
And it's worth it to me.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Am I Doing Enough?
I recently read a heartfelt blog post written by a wonderful mother I have been friends with for decades. This woman is truly an exceptional parent and her children reflect her firm-but-loving parenting and her beautiful spirit.
In her post she spoke movingly of milestones her children were meeting, of years passing too swiftly, and of the paralyzing fear that grips every parent as their children approach the brink of adulthood...am I doing ENOUGH?
She asked some hard questions but the one that stood out to me was this one:
"Have I taught them everything they need to know?"
I completely understand her.
I have asked the same rhetorical questions of myself.
Here is the answer that has come echoing gently back to me...
No parent can teach their child EVERYTHING they need to know.
No parent can prepare their child for EVERY circumstance they will face.
No parent can scan the horizon of their child's future with enough foresight to predict how that future will unfold.
You may prepare your child for one thing and they may choose something completely different.
You may work to develop skills in a child that they never utilize once they strike out on their own.
You may lovingly tend a path, imagining your child treading it, only to find yourself shading your eyes to catch a glimpse of them as they walk along another chosen way.
Some parts of our futures are chosen by us. Other parts are thrust upon us by circumstances we do not control.
How do we prepare...give specific direction...for things we can never foresee?
Answer: We can't.
Then what can we parents do?
Throwing up our hands in despair is not an option.
Slumping our shoulders in resignation is not an acceptable reaction.
Turning our heads and ignoring difficult truths is not the answer.
Glossing over character flaws or excusing bad behavior is not acceptable.
Surrendering to our own sense if inadequacy will not serve our children best.
Again I ask: "What do we parents DO?"
We work diligently to instill PRINCIPLES in our children.
We develop character...and we try not to confuse PERSONALITY with character. (There are lots of charming swindlers with great personality and faulty characters.)
We do our best to model for our children positive ways to meet life's challenges...knowing all the while that we can never anticipate the individual challenges they will face.
When I was a girl my parents never even considered that I would have a disabled child. It was never a thought. I had absolutely no exposure to the joys or struggles of raising a child with special needs.
And when Julia was born and diagnosed with Cri du Chat Syndrome my greatest fear did not center around her disabilities. Instead it was MY lack that kept me awake at night. My lack of skill. My lack of education about special needs. My overwhelming fear of not being ENOUGH for her.
I was not prepared to parent a handicapped child.
Did my parents fail me because I was inadequate?
They never taught me about Sensory Integration Dysfunction or developmental disabilities.
I was not prepared to be changing diapers on a nine year old or to navigate the tricky labyrinth of an IEP meeting.
They never prepared me for her feeding difficulties and fragile health.
I wasn't ready for the sudden, devouring onslaught of appointments, therapists, doctors, questions, and information.
I didn't know how to answer the covert stares of complete strangers or the open curiosity of children who want to know what is "wrong" with her.
My lack of preparation for THIS PARTICULAR CIRCUMSTANCE was appalling.
No. There is no way they could prepare me for Julia.
However, my parents DID give me tools I needed to navigate the frightening new journey I had embarked on.
They taught me compassion. Patience. Persistence. Courage.
They showed me by example how to keep my head up and my shoulders squared.
They taught me that a cheerful countenance is a natural antidepressant.
They helped me to believe that there was nothing I could not learn if I only applied myself, and nothing I could not do if only I would persist.
They showed me that a persons worth is intrinsic...granted to them because they ARE...not based upon their performance, or what they can DO.
I was taught to value life.
To accept differences.
To see beauty in everyone.
In short, while they could not anticipate the challenges I would face in my future they focused on giving me the tools I would need to face whatever came successfully.
So...no. We can never prepare our children for their specific situations. Their circumstances will depend upon the choices they make...and upon what is thrust on them by life.
But we CAN give them the tools they need to make wise choices.
We can can teach them by precept and example to navigate their circumstances cheerfully...persistently...courageously.
We can show them that regardless of what comes to them...joy or sorrow... patience, kindness, education, love, and faith will help them to find the answers they need.
In this way we do prepare our children to be successful adults who live and love with passion and purpose.
My precious friend is doing this with her children.
She is modeling daily how to rise above pettiness, challenge, offense, and difficult circumstances.
She is teaching them to win humbly and lose graciously.
She is teaching them persistence, patience, kindness, and courage.
She is teaching them gracious manners and the intrinsic worth of a person regardless of that person's abilities or lack thereof.
She is showing them the value of loyalty, truth, and patience.
She has taught them to be honest about how they feel and to be kind about how they express it.
She is teaching them the importance of education and the value of diligent application to their studies.
She has shown them how to be resilient, innovative, creative, and focused.
She has taught them the importance of seeing the long-term...of not sacrificing what they want MOST for what they want NOW.
Yes, dear friend.
You have taught them what they need to know, and whatever comes to your children they will have within themselves the tools they need to handle it with dignity, grace and courage.
Keep making memories and having fun..this, along with your many lessons, is what they will take into their futures.
And those futures are bright!
In her post she spoke movingly of milestones her children were meeting, of years passing too swiftly, and of the paralyzing fear that grips every parent as their children approach the brink of adulthood...am I doing ENOUGH?
She asked some hard questions but the one that stood out to me was this one:
"Have I taught them everything they need to know?"
I completely understand her.
I have asked the same rhetorical questions of myself.
Here is the answer that has come echoing gently back to me...
No parent can teach their child EVERYTHING they need to know.
No parent can prepare their child for EVERY circumstance they will face.
No parent can scan the horizon of their child's future with enough foresight to predict how that future will unfold.
You may prepare your child for one thing and they may choose something completely different.
You may work to develop skills in a child that they never utilize once they strike out on their own.
You may lovingly tend a path, imagining your child treading it, only to find yourself shading your eyes to catch a glimpse of them as they walk along another chosen way.
Some parts of our futures are chosen by us. Other parts are thrust upon us by circumstances we do not control.
How do we prepare...give specific direction...for things we can never foresee?
Answer: We can't.
Then what can we parents do?
Throwing up our hands in despair is not an option.
Slumping our shoulders in resignation is not an acceptable reaction.
Turning our heads and ignoring difficult truths is not the answer.
Glossing over character flaws or excusing bad behavior is not acceptable.
Surrendering to our own sense if inadequacy will not serve our children best.
Again I ask: "What do we parents DO?"
We work diligently to instill PRINCIPLES in our children.
We develop character...and we try not to confuse PERSONALITY with character. (There are lots of charming swindlers with great personality and faulty characters.)
We do our best to model for our children positive ways to meet life's challenges...knowing all the while that we can never anticipate the individual challenges they will face.
When I was a girl my parents never even considered that I would have a disabled child. It was never a thought. I had absolutely no exposure to the joys or struggles of raising a child with special needs.
And when Julia was born and diagnosed with Cri du Chat Syndrome my greatest fear did not center around her disabilities. Instead it was MY lack that kept me awake at night. My lack of skill. My lack of education about special needs. My overwhelming fear of not being ENOUGH for her.
I was not prepared to parent a handicapped child.
Did my parents fail me because I was inadequate?
They never taught me about Sensory Integration Dysfunction or developmental disabilities.
I was not prepared to be changing diapers on a nine year old or to navigate the tricky labyrinth of an IEP meeting.
They never prepared me for her feeding difficulties and fragile health.
I wasn't ready for the sudden, devouring onslaught of appointments, therapists, doctors, questions, and information.
I didn't know how to answer the covert stares of complete strangers or the open curiosity of children who want to know what is "wrong" with her.
My lack of preparation for THIS PARTICULAR CIRCUMSTANCE was appalling.
No. There is no way they could prepare me for Julia.
However, my parents DID give me tools I needed to navigate the frightening new journey I had embarked on.
They taught me compassion. Patience. Persistence. Courage.
They showed me by example how to keep my head up and my shoulders squared.
They taught me that a cheerful countenance is a natural antidepressant.
They helped me to believe that there was nothing I could not learn if I only applied myself, and nothing I could not do if only I would persist.
They showed me that a persons worth is intrinsic...granted to them because they ARE...not based upon their performance, or what they can DO.
I was taught to value life.
To accept differences.
To see beauty in everyone.
In short, while they could not anticipate the challenges I would face in my future they focused on giving me the tools I would need to face whatever came successfully.
So...no. We can never prepare our children for their specific situations. Their circumstances will depend upon the choices they make...and upon what is thrust on them by life.
But we CAN give them the tools they need to make wise choices.
We can can teach them by precept and example to navigate their circumstances cheerfully...persistently...courageously.
We can show them that regardless of what comes to them...joy or sorrow... patience, kindness, education, love, and faith will help them to find the answers they need.
In this way we do prepare our children to be successful adults who live and love with passion and purpose.
My precious friend is doing this with her children.
She is modeling daily how to rise above pettiness, challenge, offense, and difficult circumstances.
She is teaching them to win humbly and lose graciously.
She is teaching them persistence, patience, kindness, and courage.
She is teaching them gracious manners and the intrinsic worth of a person regardless of that person's abilities or lack thereof.
She is showing them the value of loyalty, truth, and patience.
She has taught them to be honest about how they feel and to be kind about how they express it.
She is teaching them the importance of education and the value of diligent application to their studies.
She has shown them how to be resilient, innovative, creative, and focused.
She has taught them the importance of seeing the long-term...of not sacrificing what they want MOST for what they want NOW.
Yes, dear friend.
You have taught them what they need to know, and whatever comes to your children they will have within themselves the tools they need to handle it with dignity, grace and courage.
Keep making memories and having fun..this, along with your many lessons, is what they will take into their futures.
And those futures are bright!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Theme 2012 - Growth
As every new year progresses there seems to be an underlying theme that slowly emerges.
What proved to be the theme for 2011 did not take long to manifest itself as we joyfully struggled through weddings for not one, but two of our five daughters.
Last years theme was survival, and at times I doubted our chances of succeeding.
Being completely immersed in weddings last year (4 total as Ryan married Johanna in December and Nina married Rich in April, in addition to Alyssa and Aubrey in May and Nick and Victoria in August) there were times I felt completely overwhelmed. The emotional element and the effect of changing family dynamics cannot be understated.
By the time my sweet Victoria's wedding rolled around on August 27th I was approaching complete burnout. But we pushed on and with the help of literally dozens of generous and talented people all of these major events concluded happily.
The weeks following Victoria's wedding were very...surreal...for me.
After Alyssa was married I was immediately plunged into preparation for Victoria's nuptials. I really did not have time to process the fact that she had left home. My time and attention were immediately turned to the details of Victoria's celebration.
13 weeks is not much time to recover and resurrect creativity, finances, and energy.
Rushing headlong toward the wedding week there were times I felt as if I were in another world altogether...someone else's world. I could not figure out how my neat, quiet, ordered existence had been transformed into this insane gallop toward the finish line.
Sparing details, near misses, potential disasters and practical financial ruin () I am happy to say that both of my sweet girls, Nina, and Ryan are all happily married and busily creating their own futures. It is a joy every day to watch them love, grow, live, and develop their own families.
We here at home, on the other hand, also had to learn and grow. We had to embrace change...and even positive change can be painful.
Suddenly our little house went from bursting with 10 family members to a quiet...almost somber at times...5.
Rush, Brittany and baby David James moved to Rio Linda with Brittany's parents for a time, and now have their own little place. (So proud of them! )
One day I realized there were no little 1 year old footsteps echoing through our house. No high chair in the dining room. Fewer toys in the playroom. That giggles and curly hair and sloppy, sweet kisses were not a part of my daily life any more.
I no longer listened for Victoria to arrive home from work in the evening. I no longer heard her singing about the house. She no longer came and perched beside me on the arm of the sofa to share details of her day.
Alyssa was gone too. My sunshine girl who clanged around the kitchen creating lovely things and who always had time to make up a story for Julia.
The silence at times was deafening.
Julia started the new school term.
Susanna left with David each morning at 7. She is working 2 jobs, and taking night classes at CRC...she does not return till 10 every evening.
Only Olivia and I are at home every day now.
It is strange, I tell you. Strange.
Coming to terms with the changes, and with the strangeness of our new reality was not only difficult for me, but for Olivia and Julia as well.
For me it was the loss of the hustle and bustle of a full-to-the-brim-and-overflowing house.
It was the relinquishing of daily oversight and concern for my girls, and releasing them to the capable care of their new husbands.
It was the lack of longstanding daily contact.
Suddenly I saw my girls only a couple of times a week...not every day.
Desultory conversations...the daily happenstance of living together...were gone. I missed the "Hey, mom! What's for dinner?" and the "Can I borrow your...(fill in the blank)." You know how sisters are.
24 years of having children.
7 children with all their attendant joys and struggles.
Homeschooling for 18 years.
Yes.
I am very used to having my kids around.
For Olivia and Julia the missing was acute.
Being disabled Julia is often not given credit for being as cognizant of her surroundings as she really is. She understands a great deal more than most people...even we, her family...expect.
Her preferred method of coping was increased tantruming.
And increased stimming behaviors.
And increased aggression.
And increased self-mutilation.
(Which is just a really scary term for pulling her hair and biting herself...regardless, it's not a good thing. Trust me on this.)
We had a rough couple of months, I tell you.
Olivia became very withdrawn.
She was conflicted.
She was happy for her sisters but selfishly angry at what she perceived was their abandonment of her.
Fortunately she was able to process through her emotions pretty quickly and soon reverted to the cheerful, helpful girl I know so well. Weekly overnight visits and frequent coffee dates with her sisters helped.
A lot.
So...survival was the theme of 2011.
Just cope.
Just make it all happen...and hopefully with some modicum of success.
Re-learn...re-direct...release.
Now we are 27 days into 2012 and I feel the burgeoning awareness of a new theme. Gently and quietly it has impressed itself upon me...intruding so lightly into my consciousness as to be almost ignored.
This years theme is growth.
Last year was a year of change...a year of effort...a year of paralyzing emotion.
This is the year to grow.
To become.
To grow new relationships. To nurture existing ones.
To develop new and better habits. To strengthen tried and true methods.
To embrace greater ideas and bigger dreams, and to hold fast to old promises and believe in old prayers.
I want to grow in my love for Jesus.
I want to grow in my love for my husband.
I want to grow in my relationships with each of my children and their spouses.
I want to see growth in my personal life, in my family, and on our little patch of earth here in the Grove.
I don't want to take any important relationship in my life for granted.
I want to treasure my family and friends and church family with an unprecedented passion and commitment.
I want to become more than I have ever been.
I want to do more than I have ever done.
For God.
And for my family.
I want to learn new things and try things that have been lurking in the back of my mind for a long time.
I want to develop gifts and talents that have long laid dormant in my life.
I want to give of myself more freely, love more purely, laugh more easily, and be more thoughtful, gentle, encouraging, and fun.
I want to fling open the doors of my home and my heart in joyful welcome.
There are dreams to catch and vision to cast...and most importantly...love to give.
So...I forge into 2012 with these two quotes as my motto:
Exercise Integrity in the Moment of Choice
-Stephen Covey
and
Do Common Things Uncommonly Well
-John D. Rockefeller
Here's to the sunshine and showers of 2012 that will foster growth!
What proved to be the theme for 2011 did not take long to manifest itself as we joyfully struggled through weddings for not one, but two of our five daughters.
Last years theme was survival, and at times I doubted our chances of succeeding.
Being completely immersed in weddings last year (4 total as Ryan married Johanna in December and Nina married Rich in April, in addition to Alyssa and Aubrey in May and Nick and Victoria in August) there were times I felt completely overwhelmed. The emotional element and the effect of changing family dynamics cannot be understated.
By the time my sweet Victoria's wedding rolled around on August 27th I was approaching complete burnout. But we pushed on and with the help of literally dozens of generous and talented people all of these major events concluded happily.
The weeks following Victoria's wedding were very...surreal...for me.
After Alyssa was married I was immediately plunged into preparation for Victoria's nuptials. I really did not have time to process the fact that she had left home. My time and attention were immediately turned to the details of Victoria's celebration.
13 weeks is not much time to recover and resurrect creativity, finances, and energy.
Rushing headlong toward the wedding week there were times I felt as if I were in another world altogether...someone else's world. I could not figure out how my neat, quiet, ordered existence had been transformed into this insane gallop toward the finish line.
Sparing details, near misses, potential disasters and practical financial ruin () I am happy to say that both of my sweet girls, Nina, and Ryan are all happily married and busily creating their own futures. It is a joy every day to watch them love, grow, live, and develop their own families.
We here at home, on the other hand, also had to learn and grow. We had to embrace change...and even positive change can be painful.
Suddenly our little house went from bursting with 10 family members to a quiet...almost somber at times...5.
Rush, Brittany and baby David James moved to Rio Linda with Brittany's parents for a time, and now have their own little place. (So proud of them! )
One day I realized there were no little 1 year old footsteps echoing through our house. No high chair in the dining room. Fewer toys in the playroom. That giggles and curly hair and sloppy, sweet kisses were not a part of my daily life any more.
I no longer listened for Victoria to arrive home from work in the evening. I no longer heard her singing about the house. She no longer came and perched beside me on the arm of the sofa to share details of her day.
Alyssa was gone too. My sunshine girl who clanged around the kitchen creating lovely things and who always had time to make up a story for Julia.
The silence at times was deafening.
Julia started the new school term.
Susanna left with David each morning at 7. She is working 2 jobs, and taking night classes at CRC...she does not return till 10 every evening.
Only Olivia and I are at home every day now.
It is strange, I tell you. Strange.
Coming to terms with the changes, and with the strangeness of our new reality was not only difficult for me, but for Olivia and Julia as well.
For me it was the loss of the hustle and bustle of a full-to-the-brim-and-overflowing house.
It was the relinquishing of daily oversight and concern for my girls, and releasing them to the capable care of their new husbands.
It was the lack of longstanding daily contact.
Suddenly I saw my girls only a couple of times a week...not every day.
Desultory conversations...the daily happenstance of living together...were gone. I missed the "Hey, mom! What's for dinner?" and the "Can I borrow your...(fill in the blank)." You know how sisters are.
24 years of having children.
7 children with all their attendant joys and struggles.
Homeschooling for 18 years.
Yes.
I am very used to having my kids around.
For Olivia and Julia the missing was acute.
Being disabled Julia is often not given credit for being as cognizant of her surroundings as she really is. She understands a great deal more than most people...even we, her family...expect.
Her preferred method of coping was increased tantruming.
And increased stimming behaviors.
And increased aggression.
And increased self-mutilation.
(Which is just a really scary term for pulling her hair and biting herself...regardless, it's not a good thing. Trust me on this.)
We had a rough couple of months, I tell you.
Olivia became very withdrawn.
She was conflicted.
She was happy for her sisters but selfishly angry at what she perceived was their abandonment of her.
Fortunately she was able to process through her emotions pretty quickly and soon reverted to the cheerful, helpful girl I know so well. Weekly overnight visits and frequent coffee dates with her sisters helped.
A lot.
So...survival was the theme of 2011.
Just cope.
Just make it all happen...and hopefully with some modicum of success.
Re-learn...re-direct...release.
Now we are 27 days into 2012 and I feel the burgeoning awareness of a new theme. Gently and quietly it has impressed itself upon me...intruding so lightly into my consciousness as to be almost ignored.
This years theme is growth.
Last year was a year of change...a year of effort...a year of paralyzing emotion.
This is the year to grow.
To become.
To grow new relationships. To nurture existing ones.
To develop new and better habits. To strengthen tried and true methods.
To embrace greater ideas and bigger dreams, and to hold fast to old promises and believe in old prayers.
I want to grow in my love for Jesus.
I want to grow in my love for my husband.
I want to grow in my relationships with each of my children and their spouses.
I want to see growth in my personal life, in my family, and on our little patch of earth here in the Grove.
I don't want to take any important relationship in my life for granted.
I want to treasure my family and friends and church family with an unprecedented passion and commitment.
I want to become more than I have ever been.
I want to do more than I have ever done.
For God.
And for my family.
I want to learn new things and try things that have been lurking in the back of my mind for a long time.
I want to develop gifts and talents that have long laid dormant in my life.
I want to give of myself more freely, love more purely, laugh more easily, and be more thoughtful, gentle, encouraging, and fun.
I want to fling open the doors of my home and my heart in joyful welcome.
There are dreams to catch and vision to cast...and most importantly...love to give.
So...I forge into 2012 with these two quotes as my motto:
Exercise Integrity in the Moment of Choice
-Stephen Covey
and
Do Common Things Uncommonly Well
-John D. Rockefeller
Here's to the sunshine and showers of 2012 that will foster growth!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)