Irony

In light of yesterday's rant I found it amusing that this came up in my Pinterest feed today. 

Success!

Well. After yesterday's panicked rant about dirty dishes and socks and Butter Loaf Cake I figured I'd better post about today.

Today. Was. Much. Better.

Thank God.

Another day of total failure and I would have really been ready for the loony bin.

Today's success began (as EVERY days success does) with what I did LAST NIGHT.

See, I have this analogy (that my children have heard at least 1,000 times. Really. Ask them.) that compares each day to a picture.

Life, to me, is just one big sketch pad, and each day is a page in the pad.

Now, I don't know how anyone else feels about it, but when I want to draw a picture I always like to start with a clean, smooth sheet of paper. I don't want a piece someone else has scribbled on. I don't want a piece that someone has erased their drawing from.

I want a new, clean sheet of paper.

(I know you know where I'm going with this. But it's ok. This is my space to say it a hundred times if I want.)

So, if I want to draw a beautiful picture on today's sheet of paper then IT MUST BE A NICE, NEW, CLEAN sheet of paper.

Meaning...I don't want to get up and "erase" yesterday's marks off today's paper.

In a long, round-about way I just explained why TODAY'S SUCCESS started LAST NIGHT.

After I got finished with my I-am-a-total-failure-just-shoot-me-now post I did exactly what I said I was going to do.

I changed Julia's diaper. (Almost had to declare a state of emergency over that one.)

I had a nice long conversation with Jesus. Nothing like that to make you feel better. Really.

I finished supper. Served it. Cleaned it up. WASHED THOSE PESKY DISHES.

I gave Julia a shower. Got her into her cozy flannel jammies with the pink elephants all over them.

Packed her backpack. Made her lunch. Laid out her clothes.

Made up my bed with clean sheets. Folded the socks and put them in the drawer.

Then I set up the coffee pot. Set out chicken to thaw in the fridge and decided on breakfast. (My first hot breakfast in 8 days, remember.)

I kissed Julia and tucked her in...Olivia stayed another night at Nick and Victoria's...and prayed for my children. The 2 at home and the others in their respective homes around the city.

I made sure the house was at ground zero...tidy, swept, clean...no clutter or disordered belongings lying about...and turned out the lights.

Then I went to bed with a clear conscience and a sense of inner peace.

When the alarm sounded at 6:30 this morning it was hard to get up.

It was hard to get dressed in the cold dark. (We heat solely with our woodstove and David had not re-kindled the fire yet.)

I dressed quickly and padded to the kitchen in a pair of David's clean socks.

I will tell you this.

If the house had been messy I would have gone back to my warm bed and snuggly down comforter. I would have.

If there had been dishes piled in the sink I would have turned around and walked away.

Cowardly, I know.

But...I'm being honest here.

Instead I made David eggs and ham and toasted bagels. I pushed the little button on the coffee pot and it magically sprang to life and began gurgling forth the icky black brew my husband adores.

I made his sandwiches and poured his coffee and slowly...so slowly...began to come alive.

By the time it was time to wake Julia and get her to the bus I was awake and ready to take on the world.

Ready...as goes my analogy...to draw a beautiful picture on the paper dated January 25, 2012.

And so far, though it is no Rembrandt, it is a picture I am not ashamed of.

Tomorrow's success depends on what I do today.

Or, as Aristotle so eloquently put it:

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an ACT but a HABIT.

Here's to a sketch pad full of beautiful days.

Blogging is a BIG DEAL.

WARNING. OPINIONATED POST AHEAD.

Another rant, if you will.

If you blog for profit...or HOPE to blog for profit...you might want to stop reading right now.



So. I have received this stunning revelation.

Blogging is BIG. Like MAJOR.

I had no idea. I'm REALLY late to this party...

All this time I thought blogging was just another form of social media. A public journal of sorts. A way to stay connected with Uncle Hugo and Aunt Hildegard. A way to share photos of Junior's first bath/smile/tooth/step/day of school.

I thought the blogging world was full of people (like me) who just liked seeing their thoughts and opinions set down in neat font on cool templates. (Instead of scribbled on yellow legal pads that end up in a box under the bed.)

It seems I was wrong.

Way wrong.

Blogging, it seems, is about two things.

Making money. And popularity.

Hmmmm.

My recent addiction to Pinterest (There really should be a 12 step program for junkies like me...) has brought me to this startling revelation.

From my pins on Pinterest I have visited many blogs. Some I've enjoyed. Some not so much.

Several are talking about their business. Blogging.

It's a business now.

Managing their sponsors. Juggling their clients. Pumping up the number of followers. (Pleeese, pleeeese, pleeeeeeeese follow me!!!)

Wow.

Invoicing their ad people and researching posts and...and...and...

It's confusing to me. I mean...if you can make money showing me a new crochet stitch...GREAT. I really have no problem with women finding a way to make money at home.

Just be REAL about it.

But...and herein lies my bone of contention...A LOT of these women are stay-at-home-moms. Homeschooling moms. Mothers of more than one child under the age of 10.

And while in one post they are telling me the best way to keep my floors shiny and how to decorate my humble abode on a shoestring and how to feed my family gourmet meats for $1.26 per serving, in the next post they are bemoaning the fact that THEIR floors haven't been mopped in a month and their 8 year old just learned to make Top Ramen in self defense. (He was tired of peanut butter and jelly and wanted something WARM to eat.)

Please, people. Practice what you preach. Don't blog about the importance of family dinner when your kids are eating Top Ramen in front of the TV...REGULARLY.

Don't admit that your kids aren't dressed or had their hair brushed yet (and it's 6:00 PM) because you've been SO BUSY WRITING YOUR BLOG ALL DAY. (And you stayed up all night "researching" so they got up alone and ate dry Lucky Charms out of the box...aren't my little darlings resourceful?!) and THEN try to sell me your ebook on Home Management.

Now...I refuse to tar every blogger with the same brush. There are hundreds...thousands...of honest folks out there blogging away and raking in the dough. And I know there are many, many people who blog AND still have it all together.

(Then there is the blogger who has made a business out of NOT having it together. "Come look at how trashed my home is...")

To be really honest...I'm not even sure why my feathers are ruffled. Maybe because of the sudden shift in perspective. Maybe because I now look at most bloggers with a jaundiced eye. I'm just another "follower" that makes them money when I hit their site.

I don't know.

I feel slightly duped...used. And here I thought they just wanted to share their enthusiasm for the latest way to make a hand-stamped burlap pillow. I didn't know they were MARKETING said pillow.

Kind of like the salesman that comes off as your best friend. You KNOW all he wants is to sell you something.

And now there are ebooks. Really? Everyone who can type thinks they're an author.

And everyone who has copied an idea from some other blogger (and ADDED THEIR OWN TWIST) thinks they are a designer. Sigh.

I just don't know.

What I DO know is that, for me, blogging will continue to be a format with which to record daily life. My home...my kids...my thoughts.

And...in my mind at least...this is still a very simple journal.

Now...excuse me...I have some blogs to read. My inbox is full of "New Post" notifications.

CHA-CHING. 

Just Sayin

I have this blog post rolling around in my head.

In my perfect world I could just say everything I want to and then go on my merry way. After all, it's not like anyone reads this blog. (And I want to go on record saying that that is ok...I started this blog as a sort of personal journal anyway. In fact, I almost opened it under another account and fictitious name.)

I'm not even sure WHY I would want to say some of this on a public forum.

????????


Pressing onward.

I am bothered by things.

I am bothered by the fact that I just ate 2/3 of an Entenmann's Butter Loaf Cake.

That's five (5) slices.

F-I-V-E.

By myself.

With Reddi Wip on top. And not even one measly strawberry or slice of banana to pretend to make it "healthy".



I am bothered that hubby ran out of clean socks yesterday.

Yes.

Really.

Go ahead and laugh. This is a big deal to me.

After all. Clean socks for hubby has been part of my job description for almost 26 years. You would THINK I would have it mastered by now.

Check the drawer.

Oh, my! No clean socks.

WASH SOME!

And as he told me (grumpily) he had to wear BLACK DRESS SOCKS to work. And they kept sliding down in his boots.

Very annoying, I'm sure.



I am bothered (very) by the frustration I feel toward Julia at times. I mean, it's not like she ASKED to be disabled.

But sometimes I want to scream. (I don't.)

And sometimes I want to cry (I do...rarely.)

And sometimes I just plain worry. (Often.)

Like...what will I do when ALL the older children are gone?

And...what will I do when she's bigger than I am?

And...will I still be changing poopy diapers when she's 30?

And...when she is 30 I will be 76.

Yes.

76.

Ummmm...that's really old to be changing diapers.



Onward.

I went to bed last night with dishes in the sink.

Fail.

Now...this may seem minor to you...but I cannot remember the last time I went to bed with dirty dishes.

This is major to me.

It may be 3:00 in the morning, but I don't put this weary body in the bed till the dishes are clean.

And the house is completely straight.

And Julia's clothes are laid out...her backpack prepped...her lunch packed and in the fridge.

And dinner planned for the next day.

And breakfast prepped.

And the coffee pot set up.

AND CLEAN SOCKS ARE IN DAVID'S DRAWER.

(Those socks are really bothering me.)

I. Do. Not. Leave. Messes. Overnight.

(Unless, of course, there is a whole houseful of cousins sleeping over, jumping on the beds and slamming in and out of the house till dawn. THEN messes are inevitable. I mean THE BEST time to play in 10 wooded acres is at night. With a flashlight.

That's an acceptable exception.

Last night's mess was laziness. Plain and simple.)

AND before anyone thinks that all of this is blown WAY out of proportion (it is) you have to understand that it represents a very serious backsliding into days I would rather forget forever.

Very serious.

The ground is slipping even now.



Onward.

I wonder. A lot.

I wonder what people would think if they knew that Julia was sitting beside me (on the couch) crumbling the last 1/3 of the Butter Loaf Cake into the upholstery.

Or that I haven't made a hot breakfast for over a week.

(Really and truly. 8 days to be precise.)

And I make hot breakfast 7 days a week. It's part of my job description. And I love it. But I've been SO TIRED lately...that extra 45 minutes of sleep has meant more to me than blessing my family.

WARNING - WARNING...slippery slope ahead!!!



Or if they knew how carefully I frame each picture I take so that none of the imperfections in my house show.

Like walls that are framed in, but not even sheet rocked.

Or if they had any idea how many bags of garbage are out in the pile waiting to be burnt.

Because we can't burn in summer.

And it's been a dry winter.

And David just plain doesn't want to do it.



I wonder what would be the reaction if they knew how inadequate and ineffective I feel sometimes.

(Read: MOST of the time.)

And how I LONG to be so much more than I am.

And that under my cheerful smile and calm exterior I really want to scream and cry.

And sometimes I DON'T WANT to be positive.

And I DON'T WANT to be cheerful.

And my life is JUST AS nuts, crazy, mixed-up, worrisome, scary as theirs is.

And sometimes I don't want to do the dishes.

And I don't check the drawer for clean socks.

And I eat loaf cake with Reddi Wip all day long. And nothing healthy OR homemade.

And sometimes I don't want to be patient.

And I don't want to be kind.

Sad, but true.



Now...I want to interrupt this rant/complaint fest to say that I KNOW these are first world problems. And I KNOW that there are starving, abused, sexually exploited children all over the world. And I KNOW that in the grand scheme of things this of very little (if any) importance. I KNOW.



Ok...ok...onward.

Almost there.



What now?

Now I get off this couch.

And I change Julia's diaper.

(Because...believe me...that's a number 1, A list priority right now.

Then I go have myself a good old-fashioned prayer meeting. Just me and God.

(And Julia )

'Cause really, that's what this is all about.

And I will repent for my stinky attitude and self-pity and laziness.

And I will pray for my family.

And I will pray for all those children around the world who need encouragement, strength, blessing, and provision more than I do.

Then I will clean up the cake...fold the socks and put them away...and wash the dishes...and take some medicine because all that cake really has my tummy upset.

And I will put the clean sheets on the bed...and finish supper...and give Julia her shower.

And I will serve supper...and WASH THE DISHES...and prep breakfast.

I will set the coffee pot...lay out Julia's clothes...make her lunch...prep her back pack.

And set meat for tomorrows supper in the fridge to thaw.

And tidy the house.

And tuck in my little sweeties and thank Jesus for giving them to me. All of them.

I will pray for my children who still live here at home and for the ones who have moved out.

And then I will take a shower and go to bed.

And tomorrow I will have my groove back.

(I hope.)

Onward.

New Title...New Direction

This blog is slowly taking on a life of it's own and changing direction.

My original plan was to document what we ate each day.

For my own benefit.

To analyze what, when, where, and how much we were eating.

To Help me screen for repeat meals, ruts...whatever.

And because I just plain love food.

I love thinking about it.

Reading about it.

Planning it.

Shopping for it.

Preparing it.

Presenting it.

It is a major high for me to serve my family well.

I'm the girl who would rather shop for food than anything else. Who plans all week what to make...what to buy...and CANNOT wait to get to the GROCERY STORE.

I read the weekly grocery ads like they hold the secret to eternal youth or something.

David has learned, after 26 years, not to rush me through the store. This is where I get my "buying pleasure". He's lucky I feel that way about purchasing groceries and NOT about shopping at Nordstrom.

He's also lucky that I'm a frugal maniac

(Who fed a family of 9 on $75 a week CONSISTENTLY for years...and very little mac and cheese or Top Ramen, thank you very much.)

and make almost EVERYTHING from scratch.

Try me.

(I don't make spaghetti noodles because I don't have the right die for my pasta machine. Other than that...just about everything.)

I'm the one who owns hundreds of cookbooks and reads them like novels. There are 3 on my nightstand right now. 6 by the couch. 2 on the counter with recipes marked for dinner tonight.

I'm the one who has 17 food apps on her iPhone and subscribes to at least a dozen food blogs/websites...new recipes EVERY DAY!!!

Yeah, baby!!

So...all that to say that a blog about FOOD and FOOD ALONE makes a lot of sense for someone like me.

Right?

Well...no. I guess not.

Because every time I tried to document the FOOD I ended up talking about US.

Our home. Our kids. Our activities.

I can't seem to pick out just the food.

So...

I changed the title of this blog and decided to have at it. I've always wanted a blog to JUST BE ME in. To let my imperfect, genuine, sometimes snarky, opinionated self speak.

And, mostly, I talk about...ummm...my life.

Which is serving Jesus. David. Our children. Our lovely little grandson.

Our home. Our homestead...and our attempts, both successful and unsuccessful, at making it the self-sustaining, profitable enterprise we want it to be.

All that happens here...at The Little House (1200 square feet) in the Grove.

Welcome.

January 13, 2012 -Homegoing...Bro. John Lavin Sr.

Ran like a crazy person all day. Had donuts from Chang's for breakfast! Woohoo! It's been almost a year since we had Chang's!

Reception food for lunch and when we got home from the event Alyssa had 2 kinds of soup ready. (BLESS HER!!!)

Darlene and kids are staying the night in order to be here for David's birthday party tomorrow.

Banzarottis for 30.

Yes. I am crazy.

But it will be fun. And when we're done there will be more family memories made!!

Missing Destinee who went to Victoria's to spend the night. Love that sweet girl!!!!

January 12, 2012 - Happy Birthday, David and Reception Prep

Today was another different day.

Yesterday I received a call to prepare a reception for the Homegoing service of Bro. John Lavin...a dear older man in our church who had passed away earlier in the week. Circumstances dictated that the service be held soon following Bro. Lavin's death, and so we were given 48 hours to put together our dinner. I dropped everything and did the prep work. So...again...no regular meals for us. It is barely 2 weeks into 2012 and we have had 2 funerals, a wedding, a major event at the Wilson Center, and we have another large event on Sunday at the Wilson Center. (Bridal Faire) And 2 birthday parties that involve 30 + people. I am "evented" out. Totally. Soooo ready for TIME AT HOME.

But ministry dictates service. And, except for the utter exhaustion I feel afterwards, and the toll it takes on my family, particularly Julia, I love it. I love to make, serve, tear down, clean up events. I love to be strong and cheerful and (hopefully) a peaceful presence...reassuring. All events listed are emotional in one way or another. I love to be a help.

However.

It costs something, and everyone at home pays. Cheerfully. But when I am not here things just aren't the same.

Anyway...

Today was David's birthday. We went into town to prep for the funeral (shop) and make a flower arrangement for Nicole's grandmother's funeral.

We didn't eat in the AM and so I took David and Victoria (who was helping me) to Sizzler for his birthday.

We got home after picking up Susanna at 9:30 and had homemade fried chicken and rice that Alyssa had made.

I'm not sure what the girls ate when I was gone, but I know Alyssa fed them!

Tomorrow is a nutty, nutty day. Busy, busy, busy.