I don't know why Sis. Sherri Long from Calgary, Alberta Canada had to die today.
This lady...who I never met...was by all accounts an amazing woman of God. A teacher, prayer warrior, mother, wife, given to hospitality, loving, gracious, others-minded, and kind.
She fell ill with what she thought was the flu on Monday and passed away today.
Wednesday.
The miracle of internet communication and an Instagram account informed me of this progression.
I prayed for her. I was very burdened. I asked God to raise her up...to restore her health. I questioned that her work here was finished...with so many lives touched by people in both Canada and the United States HOW could it be possible that her time here should end?
Yet today the short message came:
"Sherri gone."
And I am left saying "I don't know..."
I don't know why our dear Crystal Stephen was taken from us. We were robbed of her godly influence as, for several years, cancer ate slowly through every defense that was offered.
In the end it took the life of a lady that has never been replaced in works, character, creativity or sensitivity.
I don't know why young father of 5, husband, attorney, and friend Michael English was ripped from this life in a tragic boating accident.
He left his wife, 4 sons and a months-old daughter.
In many ways none of us have fully recovered from his loss. There is still a gaping hole in the fabric of our faith community.
On a lesser scale of impact I don't know why dear people I love have lost everything in this recent recession.
Homes gone to foreclosure.
Jobs sacrificed to cut-backs and downsizing companies.
Friend's businesses closing their doors.
Credit lost to bankruptcies.
Vehicles repossessed.
Furniture and treasures sold to keep surviving.
These are good people.
Faithful people.
They pay their bills.
They are not deadbeat citizens always looking for an easy way out, a charitable service, or governmental freebie.
I don't know why I am watching single moms struggle to feed their children.
I don't know why I am watching elders on fixed incomes slowly scale back...and back...and back again...in order to make their money last through the month.
I don't know why food, gasoline, rents, household products and clothing prices have risen dramatically the last few years.
We have less to spend.
Yet prices are rising at an unprecedented rate.
I don't know why we are seeing increased cancer, disease, genetic anomalies, heart disease, and diabetes.
The strength and wisdom of the medical community is at an all-time high. We have never before had the knowledge, research facilities, medicines, procedures, sanitation...pure ability...to treat and prevent sickness. Yet we are seeing more debilitating disease and death than it seems we should.
I am opening myself up to criticism here. I know that. It's nothing new.
A lot of folks would be glad to tell me "why" some of these things are happening.
And when they are done we still will not TRULY know.
It's frustrating.
So I intend to focus on what I DO know.
I DO know this...
GOD IS IN CONTROL.
GOD KNOWS MORE THAN I KNOW.
AND GOD LOVES ME. (And you!!!)
(Thank you, Rev. Tim Bollmann)
And I will be peaceful KNOWING that I don't have to explain any of these things.
I will offer what comfort I can.
I will be a listening ear and a helping hand.
I will be cheerful and thankful and do all I can to grow my faith and build the faith of others.
I will offer praise to the God who DOES know, and I will do my best to walk carefully and circumspectly before Him.
I will be careful to not charge God foolishly...and like Job I will do my best to say:
"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!"
Because who am I to demand explanations from the Creator of all things?
The things I don't know will always nag at my human-ness.
But what I DO KNOW will always rise above the nagging voice of doubt to freely declare:
"...nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day."
2 Timothy 1:12 KJV
And that's all I need to know.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
And on that same note...
***Warning*** This post is VERY OPINIONATED. I don't apologize for my stance...but maybe just a little for how firmly I state it. Be forewarned.
I also want to preface this post by saying that every person who has an abundance of disposable stuff does not harbor a deep-seated disrespect for human life and relationships.
I know this.
What I am protesting is the DISPOSABLE MINDSET.
So...here goes.
Buckle up and hang on.
*******
I am appalled at the huge amount of waste I see around me.
Food.
Clothing.
Gadgets.
Toys.
Paper.
Packaging.
I am truly disgusted.
Our society holds very little regard for things.
The paradox is that we are the most materialistic, overloaded people ever, drowning in piles and piles of plastic, synthetic stuff.
We are never satisfied. That new item we HAD to have is outdated in a month.
I was given this cherished iPhone 4 last March.
By September I was asked if I wanted the new 4S out in October.
What a GENEROUS OFFER!!
But, no.
Really!
I love my phone. I am thankful for my phone. I don't know what I would DO without my phone.
But it's only 7 months old. I really DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE...even if it's cool and has new features.
We throw away mountains of stuff.
Packaging.
Plastic bags.
Toss away...throw away EVERYTHING.
Disposable plates. Napkins. Cups. Even flatware.
I know a family who eats EVERY MEAL on disposables because they don't like to wash dishes.
I cannot imagine this.
What about loving your family by taking the time to set the table?
With a tablecloth.
And real, metal flatware.
And napkins.
But I digress. You see...
It isn't only the money spent on things we throw away that bothers me.
It isn't even the burgeoning landfills.
It is the DISPOSABLE MINDSET.
If our belongings are not worth valuing then what is?
Are relationships? The divorce rate and amount of completely dysfunctional families would indicate no.
What about human life? The number of babies lost to abortion and thousands of elderly dying alone in nursing facilities say no.
How about personal integrity?
Financial integrity?
Pride in appearance and deportment?
Discretion in conversation?
Plain old-fashioned courtesy and good manners?
For the most part no, no, no, no, and no.
I know it seems a little farfetched, comparing abortion and plastic baggies.
What I see is the mindset "If I throw this away I can just get another one."
Whether it's a baby, a husband or another trendy $5 toy from Wal-Mart.
"When I get tired of this one I'll find a new one I like better."
"If this inconveniences me I'll just get rid of it."
"Oh, man...that one broke. Oh, well. It was only $5."
It seems that little is valued in our society.
I contrast this to my grandmother's generation. The generation of "waste not-want not" and "use it up".
They had less than we do. Much less.
Fewer belongings.
Fewer clothes, dishes, toys...stuff.
My grandparents were not centered around THINGS.
They valued people.
Popcorn, hot chocolate and a board game.
The ball game on the radio.
A phone conversation with a distant loved one.
They HAD things. They ENJOYED things. But their THINGS were respected and KEPT IN THEIR PROPER PLACE.
It is so sad to see moms screaming at their kids for accidentally soiling their clothes or spilling a drink.
PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THINGS.
Grandma's gifts were often homemade. You knew she thought about you...PLANNED to bless you.
YOU!
And I know that grandma thought modern innovations were great.
Vacuum cleaners and dishwashers and microwaves are awesome.
But even though she had these things and enjoyed them, she did not live long enough to become infected with the disease that is epidemic in our society...
"Give me more NOW! I DESERVE it...even though I didn't earn it and probably won't value it."
She worked hard for what she had a took care of what she acquired.
She respected her possessions AND her relationships and we, her family, did too.
I have a bowl that is 72 years old. My grandma got it for her wedding. It is old and has a chip on one side. But I love it because it represents all I have said so far in this (very opinionated) post.
It has endured...and I value it.
My girls all want it, and someday it will pass to another generation who will treasure it.
Yes. It is JUST A BOWL.
But it represents a whole different mindset.
One I am determined to embrace.
Frugality.
Valuing people and possessions.
Owning less and taking better care of it.
Purchasing things for their value and durability, not for their trendiness or because they are cheap.
Why buy 20 $1 items you don't need just because they are $1?
So...
My goal this year is to own less.
Use as few disposables as I can.
Break from modern thinking and learn to value and appreciate what I already have instead of constantly lusting for MORE STUFF.
Purge my current possessions of cheap, disposable things and carefully consider every future purchase, making sure to buy things of superior quality that I (truly) need.
Not to buy things I DON'T need just because someone else has them.
And to, in my little corner of the world, teach by precept and example a respect for relationships, people, and possessions.
To live a life of abundance with less.
And to have more than I ever thought it was possible to have when I was wallowing in oceans of stuff.
Here's to TRUE progress...clean, tidy spaces.
A few well-chosen possessions.
Good food.
Family and friends and the time to enjoy them.
And the peace that comes from keeping everything...from plates and cups to my marriage...in the best condition I possibly can.
Here's to love, hard work, attention, and time...all lavished on what means most to me:
My home and my family.
We all leave a legacy.
I want mine to be an intentional life, well-lived...one that reflects a proper respect for things and a true understanding of the value of people.
It's time for a change in our world, our society, our thoughts...and the only person I can change is me.
I also want to preface this post by saying that every person who has an abundance of disposable stuff does not harbor a deep-seated disrespect for human life and relationships.
I know this.
What I am protesting is the DISPOSABLE MINDSET.
So...here goes.
Buckle up and hang on.
*******
I am appalled at the huge amount of waste I see around me.
Food.
Clothing.
Gadgets.
Toys.
Paper.
Packaging.
I am truly disgusted.
Our society holds very little regard for things.
The paradox is that we are the most materialistic, overloaded people ever, drowning in piles and piles of plastic, synthetic stuff.
We are never satisfied. That new item we HAD to have is outdated in a month.
I was given this cherished iPhone 4 last March.
By September I was asked if I wanted the new 4S out in October.
What a GENEROUS OFFER!!
But, no.
Really!
I love my phone. I am thankful for my phone. I don't know what I would DO without my phone.
But it's only 7 months old. I really DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE...even if it's cool and has new features.
We throw away mountains of stuff.
Packaging.
Plastic bags.
Toss away...throw away EVERYTHING.
Disposable plates. Napkins. Cups. Even flatware.
I know a family who eats EVERY MEAL on disposables because they don't like to wash dishes.
I cannot imagine this.
What about loving your family by taking the time to set the table?
With a tablecloth.
And real, metal flatware.
And napkins.
But I digress. You see...
It isn't only the money spent on things we throw away that bothers me.
It isn't even the burgeoning landfills.
It is the DISPOSABLE MINDSET.
If our belongings are not worth valuing then what is?
Are relationships? The divorce rate and amount of completely dysfunctional families would indicate no.
What about human life? The number of babies lost to abortion and thousands of elderly dying alone in nursing facilities say no.
How about personal integrity?
Financial integrity?
Pride in appearance and deportment?
Discretion in conversation?
Plain old-fashioned courtesy and good manners?
For the most part no, no, no, no, and no.
I know it seems a little farfetched, comparing abortion and plastic baggies.
What I see is the mindset "If I throw this away I can just get another one."
Whether it's a baby, a husband or another trendy $5 toy from Wal-Mart.
"When I get tired of this one I'll find a new one I like better."
"If this inconveniences me I'll just get rid of it."
"Oh, man...that one broke. Oh, well. It was only $5."
It seems that little is valued in our society.
I contrast this to my grandmother's generation. The generation of "waste not-want not" and "use it up".
They had less than we do. Much less.
Fewer belongings.
Fewer clothes, dishes, toys...stuff.
My grandparents were not centered around THINGS.
They valued people.
Popcorn, hot chocolate and a board game.
The ball game on the radio.
A phone conversation with a distant loved one.
They HAD things. They ENJOYED things. But their THINGS were respected and KEPT IN THEIR PROPER PLACE.
It is so sad to see moms screaming at their kids for accidentally soiling their clothes or spilling a drink.
PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THINGS.
Grandma's gifts were often homemade. You knew she thought about you...PLANNED to bless you.
YOU!
And I know that grandma thought modern innovations were great.
Vacuum cleaners and dishwashers and microwaves are awesome.
But even though she had these things and enjoyed them, she did not live long enough to become infected with the disease that is epidemic in our society...
"Give me more NOW! I DESERVE it...even though I didn't earn it and probably won't value it."
She worked hard for what she had a took care of what she acquired.
She respected her possessions AND her relationships and we, her family, did too.
I have a bowl that is 72 years old. My grandma got it for her wedding. It is old and has a chip on one side. But I love it because it represents all I have said so far in this (very opinionated) post.
It has endured...and I value it.
My girls all want it, and someday it will pass to another generation who will treasure it.
Yes. It is JUST A BOWL.
But it represents a whole different mindset.
One I am determined to embrace.
Frugality.
Valuing people and possessions.
Owning less and taking better care of it.
Purchasing things for their value and durability, not for their trendiness or because they are cheap.
Why buy 20 $1 items you don't need just because they are $1?
So...
My goal this year is to own less.
Use as few disposables as I can.
Break from modern thinking and learn to value and appreciate what I already have instead of constantly lusting for MORE STUFF.
Purge my current possessions of cheap, disposable things and carefully consider every future purchase, making sure to buy things of superior quality that I (truly) need.
Not to buy things I DON'T need just because someone else has them.
And to, in my little corner of the world, teach by precept and example a respect for relationships, people, and possessions.
To live a life of abundance with less.
And to have more than I ever thought it was possible to have when I was wallowing in oceans of stuff.
Here's to TRUE progress...clean, tidy spaces.
A few well-chosen possessions.
Good food.
Family and friends and the time to enjoy them.
And the peace that comes from keeping everything...from plates and cups to my marriage...in the best condition I possibly can.
Here's to love, hard work, attention, and time...all lavished on what means most to me:
My home and my family.
We all leave a legacy.
I want mine to be an intentional life, well-lived...one that reflects a proper respect for things and a true understanding of the value of people.
It's time for a change in our world, our society, our thoughts...and the only person I can change is me.
How Much is Too Much
Lately I have been purging our belongings.
Really.
Like A LOT.
I have given away two-thirds of my clothing.
Half of my shoes.
Lots and lots of books.
Three-quarters of my children's toys.
And housewares.
Don't even get me started.
Coffee mugs...mismatched plates...chipped bowls. Skillets. Tea towels. Lid-less Tupperware.
Appliances.
Oy.
Whoever thought I would need half of the electric gizmos I have? A special donut maker? Really? Quesadilla maker? Even an electric can opener.
Ummm...no.
I'm good, thanks.
Give me my crockpot and my Kitchen-Aid mixer. I am completely happy.
I don't own my possessions.
They own me.
They dictate to me...
"Now you will wash me."
"Now you will store me."
"Now you will maintain me."
"Now you will worry about me."
I'm really, really, REALLY tired of my things owning my time...my attention...my money.
It is true that less is more.
Fewer things - fewer worries.
Less stress. Less work.
More time to spend on other pursuits.
It's a really good feeling...this purging of stuff.
There is a freedom that comes with empty shelves...empty drawers...empty hangers.
I wonder where we got the idea that we need all we have? That more was better? That it was "convenient" to have a bunch of plastic plates (that melt in the microwave and retain odors) than 8 good quality, durable pieces of dinnerware.
I have always enjoyed moving. It always seems like we have so much less stuff when we first move in...BEFORE all the boxes are unpacked.
Soon, however, the lovely open spaces begin to fill up with...things.
And I begin the mad shuffle dance...put-it-here-put-it-there-no-it's-better-over-there-oh-who-cares-shove-it-ANYWHERE.
No more.
I refuse to hang onto every magazine I have ever purchased. The ideas are old and outdated anyway.
And now I have Pinterest...all the ideas I need and more!!! And nothing to shuffle!
I refuse to keep every article of clothing I have obtained.
I don't care what brand it is or how much it cost. If it doesn't fit, or if I don't feel good wearing it...out it goes.
Same with shoes. I don't care how cute they are. If they hurt my feet they're outta here.
I am 45 years old. I have earned the right to my matronly comfort. If I don't want to wear 4 inch vanity heels anymore I DON'T HAVE TO!
Whew.
That felt good.
Now...I know this next part will shock you, but in 26 years of marriage we have never purchased new furniture. (Not counting baby cribs.) We have a loving mishmash of second-hand furniture.
I am thankful.
I am not complaining.
I do not intend to buy furniture. What we have is lovely.
But we have too much. Out it goes.
My children's toys. Too much plastic stuff. Olivia is almost 12. She doesn't play with toys often.
And Julia? It's kinda funny, but she gravitates to the old, vintage toys we have.
The Fisher-Price little people. You know...the ones that run on IMAGINATION -not batteries.
The Chatty Phone (Though I don't think she's ever seen a phone with a receiver. And a cord. And a rotary dial. She knows exactly how to play with it!)
And the dolls.
And books. Like Dick and Jane.
I think she likes the realistic pictures that make sense...
"Look...there is a daddy washing the car. There is a mommy ironing. There is a boy playing with his dog. There are Sally and Puff."
These are the things I am keeping.
Blocks. Puzzles. Books. Interactive toys that require more than pushing a button.
Out with the plastic Dora.
Out with push-button Barney books.
(Ummmm...where did we get a push-button Barney book anyway? I am mystified.)
You see...
I want to sew and garden and cook and bake. I want to play with my girls and my grandson. I want to read and paint and write and create.
I want my girls to use the amazing imaginations they have. I don't want their play to be a regurgitation of someone else's preconceived script.
(Which is yet another reason we don't watch TV or movies...but that's another post.)
I have too much life to live and not enough time to live it.
And I'm tired of juggling my stuff.
I have way, way, WAY better things to do.
Really.
Like A LOT.
I have given away two-thirds of my clothing.
Half of my shoes.
Lots and lots of books.
Three-quarters of my children's toys.
And housewares.
Don't even get me started.
Coffee mugs...mismatched plates...chipped bowls. Skillets. Tea towels. Lid-less Tupperware.
Appliances.
Oy.
Whoever thought I would need half of the electric gizmos I have? A special donut maker? Really? Quesadilla maker? Even an electric can opener.
Ummm...no.
I'm good, thanks.
Give me my crockpot and my Kitchen-Aid mixer. I am completely happy.
I don't own my possessions.
They own me.
They dictate to me...
"Now you will wash me."
"Now you will store me."
"Now you will maintain me."
"Now you will worry about me."
I'm really, really, REALLY tired of my things owning my time...my attention...my money.
It is true that less is more.
Fewer things - fewer worries.
Less stress. Less work.
More time to spend on other pursuits.
It's a really good feeling...this purging of stuff.
There is a freedom that comes with empty shelves...empty drawers...empty hangers.
I wonder where we got the idea that we need all we have? That more was better? That it was "convenient" to have a bunch of plastic plates (that melt in the microwave and retain odors) than 8 good quality, durable pieces of dinnerware.
I have always enjoyed moving. It always seems like we have so much less stuff when we first move in...BEFORE all the boxes are unpacked.
Soon, however, the lovely open spaces begin to fill up with...things.
And I begin the mad shuffle dance...put-it-here-put-it-there-no-it's-better-over-there-oh-who-cares-shove-it-ANYWHERE.
No more.
I refuse to hang onto every magazine I have ever purchased. The ideas are old and outdated anyway.
And now I have Pinterest...all the ideas I need and more!!! And nothing to shuffle!
I refuse to keep every article of clothing I have obtained.
I don't care what brand it is or how much it cost. If it doesn't fit, or if I don't feel good wearing it...out it goes.
Same with shoes. I don't care how cute they are. If they hurt my feet they're outta here.
I am 45 years old. I have earned the right to my matronly comfort. If I don't want to wear 4 inch vanity heels anymore I DON'T HAVE TO!
Whew.
That felt good.
Now...I know this next part will shock you, but in 26 years of marriage we have never purchased new furniture. (Not counting baby cribs.) We have a loving mishmash of second-hand furniture.
I am thankful.
I am not complaining.
I do not intend to buy furniture. What we have is lovely.
But we have too much. Out it goes.
My children's toys. Too much plastic stuff. Olivia is almost 12. She doesn't play with toys often.
And Julia? It's kinda funny, but she gravitates to the old, vintage toys we have.
The Fisher-Price little people. You know...the ones that run on IMAGINATION -not batteries.
The Chatty Phone (Though I don't think she's ever seen a phone with a receiver. And a cord. And a rotary dial. She knows exactly how to play with it!)
And the dolls.
And books. Like Dick and Jane.
I think she likes the realistic pictures that make sense...
"Look...there is a daddy washing the car. There is a mommy ironing. There is a boy playing with his dog. There are Sally and Puff."
These are the things I am keeping.
Blocks. Puzzles. Books. Interactive toys that require more than pushing a button.
Out with the plastic Dora.
Out with push-button Barney books.
(Ummmm...where did we get a push-button Barney book anyway? I am mystified.)
You see...
I want to sew and garden and cook and bake. I want to play with my girls and my grandson. I want to read and paint and write and create.
I want my girls to use the amazing imaginations they have. I don't want their play to be a regurgitation of someone else's preconceived script.
(Which is yet another reason we don't watch TV or movies...but that's another post.)
I have too much life to live and not enough time to live it.
And I'm tired of juggling my stuff.
I have way, way, WAY better things to do.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Worth it to Me
I woke up this morning with this post rolling around in my head. It was playing nine-pins with the thundering headache I've had for the last two days.
All my life I've been told:
"Nothing in life is free."
"Everything costs something."
This is true. It is an indisputable fact.
Even when items are given to you and no money exchanges hands those things still cost something.
They cost to transport.
Store.
Maintain.
They cost time.
Concern.
Thought.
You spend effort...invest yourself...in every decision you make. Nothing is free. Everything costs something.
My point is this...
I have ONE life.
I have the same 24 hours a day, 365 days a year that everyone else has.
I have responsibilities to discharge. Duties to perform. LIFE to LIVE.
I have gifts to develop. Skills to hone. Talents to use.
And every decision costs me something.
So WHATEVER I'm investing in had BETTER BE WORTH IT.
Because you don't get another chance once your trips around the sun are completed.
For instance...
I will never get a chance to re-raise my children. THAT is a bittersweet truth, believe me. And coming from a mama who has 5 of her 7 children well-launched into adulthood it is sobering as well.
I can never go back and change any decision I've made concerning my kids. I can't go back and be more or less than I was at the moment of initial investment.
I am almost 46 years old. There are parts of my youth I will never recapture. There are opportunities lost that I can never reclaim. Doors slammed shut that will never crack open again in my lifetime.
The decisions that I have made along the way...the investments of time and energy...have shaped who I am and where I am going. They detail every memory and provide a catalog of my priorities.
Decisions.
Investments.
Everything costs something.
The books I've read. The classes I've taken. The subjects I've researched. The things I've spent my time on. They define me.
And the question is:
Is it worth it?
If I have ONE SHOT at this adventure called life...if I have ONE CHANCE to raise each of my children...if I have ONE OPPORTUNITY to prepare for eternity...then how I'm investing my life had BETTER BE WORTH IT.
Many times I have heard the words "You push yourself too hard." or "You do too much." or "You expect too much out of yourself."
To this I say no.
No, I don't.
Because I have one life to GIVE and it's worth it to me.
It's worth the necessary effort to take good care of my family. To cook from scratch. To garden and raise chickens and milk goats and butcher pigs.
Because I have time and energy to invest in my family's health and well-being but not lots of money. I want them to eat as well as I can afford. Food that I KNOW was raised and fed and processed properly.
It's worth it to sew and craft and re-make and refinish and re-do in order to dress my family well and create a warm, cozy home for them.
It's worth it to me to get up early and stay up late making sure my home is tidy and my family is prepared to face each day. Because I have one chance EACH DAY to do my best.
It's worth it to me to have our whole family over...all 30 of us...and cook and clean and serve and prepare. To play games and laugh and share stories and time. Because on this earth your RELATIONSHIPS are what matter...not your THINGS.
It's worth it to me to forgo fancy vacations and expensive clothes and frequent meals out in order to be home with my family.
We've maintained our home and raised 7 children on one income for 26 years. I'm proud of that. We've had everything we needed and most of what we wanted that entire time. Including trips to Disneyland and summer camps, and lots of fun.
But I'm telling you...it's cost me something.
And it's cost David something.
And we both agree it's been worth the investment.
It's worth it to me to love...even when it breaks my heart.
And it's worth it to me to trust...even when I am betrayed.
And it's worth it to me to give...even when I'm taken advantage of.
Because if you don't LOVE and TRUST and GIVE you aren't really living.
It's worth it to me to pray even when it seems at times that God does not hear or answer.
It's worth it to me to believe in things I cannot see and do not understand.
Because I KNOW God is listening...even when the heavens seem brass. I have the answered prayers that prove He listens and answers.
And I KNOW the impossible things I have seen happen because of unwavering faith.
And I have EXPERIENCED the beauty of God revealing Himself to me many times.
We live 35 minutes from our chosen place of worship. Gasoline prices being what they are it doesn't fit into our budget to go home between morning and evening services.
So we go in on Sunday morning. I pack a picnic lunch. I gather blankets and pillows and crayons and books for the little girls. We pack extra clothes and toiletries.
And when morning service is over we find a quiet place and share our lunch. And read stories. And color. And nap.
Then we get up and prepare for evening service.
And it's worth it. Because I am investing in eternity for my kids. I am placing a priority on knowing Jesus and putting Him FIRST.
The kids love it. Sunday is their favorite day of the week. It's the day we have FUN AT CHURCH.
And it's worth it to me...this sacrifice of home-comforts on Sundays.
Because everything costs something.
And I'm investing.
It's worth it to me to fall into bed exhausted, with every cell screaming after having worked 10 or 12 or 16 hours on an event.
Because I have served.
And I have given.
And Jesus walked all the way to the top of Mount Calvary for me. In spite of the agony. He went all the way. It was what He came to do.
And while I know it isn't my responsibility to die for the sins of the world, I do take the responsibilities entrusted to me very seriously.
And it's worth every second I invest.
So the conclusion of this is...
(and please remember...anyone who happens across this online journal...I write to myself.)
...that everything costs something.
And what you pay had better be worth the price.
With one precious life to live I refuse to invest in vain pursuits.
Flimsy dreams.
Selfish desires.
I want...more than anything...to come to the end of my life and have Jesus say well-done.
Well done with your time.
Well done with your family.
Well done with your talents.
Well done with your finances.
Well done with your intellect.
Well done with your home and resources.
Well done with your loyalties.
Well done.
I'm trying very, very hard to hear those words.
And it's worth it to me.
All my life I've been told:
"Nothing in life is free."
"Everything costs something."
This is true. It is an indisputable fact.
Even when items are given to you and no money exchanges hands those things still cost something.
They cost to transport.
Store.
Maintain.
They cost time.
Concern.
Thought.
You spend effort...invest yourself...in every decision you make. Nothing is free. Everything costs something.
My point is this...
I have ONE life.
I have the same 24 hours a day, 365 days a year that everyone else has.
I have responsibilities to discharge. Duties to perform. LIFE to LIVE.
I have gifts to develop. Skills to hone. Talents to use.
And every decision costs me something.
So WHATEVER I'm investing in had BETTER BE WORTH IT.
Because you don't get another chance once your trips around the sun are completed.
For instance...
I will never get a chance to re-raise my children. THAT is a bittersweet truth, believe me. And coming from a mama who has 5 of her 7 children well-launched into adulthood it is sobering as well.
I can never go back and change any decision I've made concerning my kids. I can't go back and be more or less than I was at the moment of initial investment.
I am almost 46 years old. There are parts of my youth I will never recapture. There are opportunities lost that I can never reclaim. Doors slammed shut that will never crack open again in my lifetime.
The decisions that I have made along the way...the investments of time and energy...have shaped who I am and where I am going. They detail every memory and provide a catalog of my priorities.
Decisions.
Investments.
Everything costs something.
The books I've read. The classes I've taken. The subjects I've researched. The things I've spent my time on. They define me.
And the question is:
Is it worth it?
If I have ONE SHOT at this adventure called life...if I have ONE CHANCE to raise each of my children...if I have ONE OPPORTUNITY to prepare for eternity...then how I'm investing my life had BETTER BE WORTH IT.
Many times I have heard the words "You push yourself too hard." or "You do too much." or "You expect too much out of yourself."
To this I say no.
No, I don't.
Because I have one life to GIVE and it's worth it to me.
It's worth the necessary effort to take good care of my family. To cook from scratch. To garden and raise chickens and milk goats and butcher pigs.
Because I have time and energy to invest in my family's health and well-being but not lots of money. I want them to eat as well as I can afford. Food that I KNOW was raised and fed and processed properly.
It's worth it to sew and craft and re-make and refinish and re-do in order to dress my family well and create a warm, cozy home for them.
It's worth it to me to get up early and stay up late making sure my home is tidy and my family is prepared to face each day. Because I have one chance EACH DAY to do my best.
It's worth it to me to have our whole family over...all 30 of us...and cook and clean and serve and prepare. To play games and laugh and share stories and time. Because on this earth your RELATIONSHIPS are what matter...not your THINGS.
It's worth it to me to forgo fancy vacations and expensive clothes and frequent meals out in order to be home with my family.
We've maintained our home and raised 7 children on one income for 26 years. I'm proud of that. We've had everything we needed and most of what we wanted that entire time. Including trips to Disneyland and summer camps, and lots of fun.
But I'm telling you...it's cost me something.
And it's cost David something.
And we both agree it's been worth the investment.
It's worth it to me to love...even when it breaks my heart.
And it's worth it to me to trust...even when I am betrayed.
And it's worth it to me to give...even when I'm taken advantage of.
Because if you don't LOVE and TRUST and GIVE you aren't really living.
It's worth it to me to pray even when it seems at times that God does not hear or answer.
It's worth it to me to believe in things I cannot see and do not understand.
Because I KNOW God is listening...even when the heavens seem brass. I have the answered prayers that prove He listens and answers.
And I KNOW the impossible things I have seen happen because of unwavering faith.
And I have EXPERIENCED the beauty of God revealing Himself to me many times.
We live 35 minutes from our chosen place of worship. Gasoline prices being what they are it doesn't fit into our budget to go home between morning and evening services.
So we go in on Sunday morning. I pack a picnic lunch. I gather blankets and pillows and crayons and books for the little girls. We pack extra clothes and toiletries.
And when morning service is over we find a quiet place and share our lunch. And read stories. And color. And nap.
Then we get up and prepare for evening service.
And it's worth it. Because I am investing in eternity for my kids. I am placing a priority on knowing Jesus and putting Him FIRST.
The kids love it. Sunday is their favorite day of the week. It's the day we have FUN AT CHURCH.
And it's worth it to me...this sacrifice of home-comforts on Sundays.
Because everything costs something.
And I'm investing.
It's worth it to me to fall into bed exhausted, with every cell screaming after having worked 10 or 12 or 16 hours on an event.
Because I have served.
And I have given.
And Jesus walked all the way to the top of Mount Calvary for me. In spite of the agony. He went all the way. It was what He came to do.
And while I know it isn't my responsibility to die for the sins of the world, I do take the responsibilities entrusted to me very seriously.
And it's worth every second I invest.
So the conclusion of this is...
(and please remember...anyone who happens across this online journal...I write to myself.)
...that everything costs something.
And what you pay had better be worth the price.
With one precious life to live I refuse to invest in vain pursuits.
Flimsy dreams.
Selfish desires.
I want...more than anything...to come to the end of my life and have Jesus say well-done.
Well done with your time.
Well done with your family.
Well done with your talents.
Well done with your finances.
Well done with your intellect.
Well done with your home and resources.
Well done with your loyalties.
Well done.
I'm trying very, very hard to hear those words.
And it's worth it to me.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Am I Doing Enough?
I recently read a heartfelt blog post written by a wonderful mother I have been friends with for decades. This woman is truly an exceptional parent and her children reflect her firm-but-loving parenting and her beautiful spirit.
In her post she spoke movingly of milestones her children were meeting, of years passing too swiftly, and of the paralyzing fear that grips every parent as their children approach the brink of adulthood...am I doing ENOUGH?
She asked some hard questions but the one that stood out to me was this one:
"Have I taught them everything they need to know?"
I completely understand her.
I have asked the same rhetorical questions of myself.
Here is the answer that has come echoing gently back to me...
No parent can teach their child EVERYTHING they need to know.
No parent can prepare their child for EVERY circumstance they will face.
No parent can scan the horizon of their child's future with enough foresight to predict how that future will unfold.
You may prepare your child for one thing and they may choose something completely different.
You may work to develop skills in a child that they never utilize once they strike out on their own.
You may lovingly tend a path, imagining your child treading it, only to find yourself shading your eyes to catch a glimpse of them as they walk along another chosen way.
Some parts of our futures are chosen by us. Other parts are thrust upon us by circumstances we do not control.
How do we prepare...give specific direction...for things we can never foresee?
Answer: We can't.
Then what can we parents do?
Throwing up our hands in despair is not an option.
Slumping our shoulders in resignation is not an acceptable reaction.
Turning our heads and ignoring difficult truths is not the answer.
Glossing over character flaws or excusing bad behavior is not acceptable.
Surrendering to our own sense if inadequacy will not serve our children best.
Again I ask: "What do we parents DO?"
We work diligently to instill PRINCIPLES in our children.
We develop character...and we try not to confuse PERSONALITY with character. (There are lots of charming swindlers with great personality and faulty characters.)
We do our best to model for our children positive ways to meet life's challenges...knowing all the while that we can never anticipate the individual challenges they will face.
When I was a girl my parents never even considered that I would have a disabled child. It was never a thought. I had absolutely no exposure to the joys or struggles of raising a child with special needs.
And when Julia was born and diagnosed with Cri du Chat Syndrome my greatest fear did not center around her disabilities. Instead it was MY lack that kept me awake at night. My lack of skill. My lack of education about special needs. My overwhelming fear of not being ENOUGH for her.
I was not prepared to parent a handicapped child.
Did my parents fail me because I was inadequate?
They never taught me about Sensory Integration Dysfunction or developmental disabilities.
I was not prepared to be changing diapers on a nine year old or to navigate the tricky labyrinth of an IEP meeting.
They never prepared me for her feeding difficulties and fragile health.
I wasn't ready for the sudden, devouring onslaught of appointments, therapists, doctors, questions, and information.
I didn't know how to answer the covert stares of complete strangers or the open curiosity of children who want to know what is "wrong" with her.
My lack of preparation for THIS PARTICULAR CIRCUMSTANCE was appalling.
No. There is no way they could prepare me for Julia.
However, my parents DID give me tools I needed to navigate the frightening new journey I had embarked on.
They taught me compassion. Patience. Persistence. Courage.
They showed me by example how to keep my head up and my shoulders squared.
They taught me that a cheerful countenance is a natural antidepressant.
They helped me to believe that there was nothing I could not learn if I only applied myself, and nothing I could not do if only I would persist.
They showed me that a persons worth is intrinsic...granted to them because they ARE...not based upon their performance, or what they can DO.
I was taught to value life.
To accept differences.
To see beauty in everyone.
In short, while they could not anticipate the challenges I would face in my future they focused on giving me the tools I would need to face whatever came successfully.
So...no. We can never prepare our children for their specific situations. Their circumstances will depend upon the choices they make...and upon what is thrust on them by life.
But we CAN give them the tools they need to make wise choices.
We can can teach them by precept and example to navigate their circumstances cheerfully...persistently...courageously.
We can show them that regardless of what comes to them...joy or sorrow... patience, kindness, education, love, and faith will help them to find the answers they need.
In this way we do prepare our children to be successful adults who live and love with passion and purpose.
My precious friend is doing this with her children.
She is modeling daily how to rise above pettiness, challenge, offense, and difficult circumstances.
She is teaching them to win humbly and lose graciously.
She is teaching them persistence, patience, kindness, and courage.
She is teaching them gracious manners and the intrinsic worth of a person regardless of that person's abilities or lack thereof.
She is showing them the value of loyalty, truth, and patience.
She has taught them to be honest about how they feel and to be kind about how they express it.
She is teaching them the importance of education and the value of diligent application to their studies.
She has shown them how to be resilient, innovative, creative, and focused.
She has taught them the importance of seeing the long-term...of not sacrificing what they want MOST for what they want NOW.
Yes, dear friend.
You have taught them what they need to know, and whatever comes to your children they will have within themselves the tools they need to handle it with dignity, grace and courage.
Keep making memories and having fun..this, along with your many lessons, is what they will take into their futures.
And those futures are bright!
In her post she spoke movingly of milestones her children were meeting, of years passing too swiftly, and of the paralyzing fear that grips every parent as their children approach the brink of adulthood...am I doing ENOUGH?
She asked some hard questions but the one that stood out to me was this one:
"Have I taught them everything they need to know?"
I completely understand her.
I have asked the same rhetorical questions of myself.
Here is the answer that has come echoing gently back to me...
No parent can teach their child EVERYTHING they need to know.
No parent can prepare their child for EVERY circumstance they will face.
No parent can scan the horizon of their child's future with enough foresight to predict how that future will unfold.
You may prepare your child for one thing and they may choose something completely different.
You may work to develop skills in a child that they never utilize once they strike out on their own.
You may lovingly tend a path, imagining your child treading it, only to find yourself shading your eyes to catch a glimpse of them as they walk along another chosen way.
Some parts of our futures are chosen by us. Other parts are thrust upon us by circumstances we do not control.
How do we prepare...give specific direction...for things we can never foresee?
Answer: We can't.
Then what can we parents do?
Throwing up our hands in despair is not an option.
Slumping our shoulders in resignation is not an acceptable reaction.
Turning our heads and ignoring difficult truths is not the answer.
Glossing over character flaws or excusing bad behavior is not acceptable.
Surrendering to our own sense if inadequacy will not serve our children best.
Again I ask: "What do we parents DO?"
We work diligently to instill PRINCIPLES in our children.
We develop character...and we try not to confuse PERSONALITY with character. (There are lots of charming swindlers with great personality and faulty characters.)
We do our best to model for our children positive ways to meet life's challenges...knowing all the while that we can never anticipate the individual challenges they will face.
When I was a girl my parents never even considered that I would have a disabled child. It was never a thought. I had absolutely no exposure to the joys or struggles of raising a child with special needs.
And when Julia was born and diagnosed with Cri du Chat Syndrome my greatest fear did not center around her disabilities. Instead it was MY lack that kept me awake at night. My lack of skill. My lack of education about special needs. My overwhelming fear of not being ENOUGH for her.
I was not prepared to parent a handicapped child.
Did my parents fail me because I was inadequate?
They never taught me about Sensory Integration Dysfunction or developmental disabilities.
I was not prepared to be changing diapers on a nine year old or to navigate the tricky labyrinth of an IEP meeting.
They never prepared me for her feeding difficulties and fragile health.
I wasn't ready for the sudden, devouring onslaught of appointments, therapists, doctors, questions, and information.
I didn't know how to answer the covert stares of complete strangers or the open curiosity of children who want to know what is "wrong" with her.
My lack of preparation for THIS PARTICULAR CIRCUMSTANCE was appalling.
No. There is no way they could prepare me for Julia.
However, my parents DID give me tools I needed to navigate the frightening new journey I had embarked on.
They taught me compassion. Patience. Persistence. Courage.
They showed me by example how to keep my head up and my shoulders squared.
They taught me that a cheerful countenance is a natural antidepressant.
They helped me to believe that there was nothing I could not learn if I only applied myself, and nothing I could not do if only I would persist.
They showed me that a persons worth is intrinsic...granted to them because they ARE...not based upon their performance, or what they can DO.
I was taught to value life.
To accept differences.
To see beauty in everyone.
In short, while they could not anticipate the challenges I would face in my future they focused on giving me the tools I would need to face whatever came successfully.
So...no. We can never prepare our children for their specific situations. Their circumstances will depend upon the choices they make...and upon what is thrust on them by life.
But we CAN give them the tools they need to make wise choices.
We can can teach them by precept and example to navigate their circumstances cheerfully...persistently...courageously.
We can show them that regardless of what comes to them...joy or sorrow... patience, kindness, education, love, and faith will help them to find the answers they need.
In this way we do prepare our children to be successful adults who live and love with passion and purpose.
My precious friend is doing this with her children.
She is modeling daily how to rise above pettiness, challenge, offense, and difficult circumstances.
She is teaching them to win humbly and lose graciously.
She is teaching them persistence, patience, kindness, and courage.
She is teaching them gracious manners and the intrinsic worth of a person regardless of that person's abilities or lack thereof.
She is showing them the value of loyalty, truth, and patience.
She has taught them to be honest about how they feel and to be kind about how they express it.
She is teaching them the importance of education and the value of diligent application to their studies.
She has shown them how to be resilient, innovative, creative, and focused.
She has taught them the importance of seeing the long-term...of not sacrificing what they want MOST for what they want NOW.
Yes, dear friend.
You have taught them what they need to know, and whatever comes to your children they will have within themselves the tools they need to handle it with dignity, grace and courage.
Keep making memories and having fun..this, along with your many lessons, is what they will take into their futures.
And those futures are bright!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Theme 2012 - Growth
As every new year progresses there seems to be an underlying theme that slowly emerges.
What proved to be the theme for 2011 did not take long to manifest itself as we joyfully struggled through weddings for not one, but two of our five daughters.
Last years theme was survival, and at times I doubted our chances of succeeding.
Being completely immersed in weddings last year (4 total as Ryan married Johanna in December and Nina married Rich in April, in addition to Alyssa and Aubrey in May and Nick and Victoria in August) there were times I felt completely overwhelmed. The emotional element and the effect of changing family dynamics cannot be understated.
By the time my sweet Victoria's wedding rolled around on August 27th I was approaching complete burnout. But we pushed on and with the help of literally dozens of generous and talented people all of these major events concluded happily.
The weeks following Victoria's wedding were very...surreal...for me.
After Alyssa was married I was immediately plunged into preparation for Victoria's nuptials. I really did not have time to process the fact that she had left home. My time and attention were immediately turned to the details of Victoria's celebration.
13 weeks is not much time to recover and resurrect creativity, finances, and energy.
Rushing headlong toward the wedding week there were times I felt as if I were in another world altogether...someone else's world. I could not figure out how my neat, quiet, ordered existence had been transformed into this insane gallop toward the finish line.
Sparing details, near misses, potential disasters and practical financial ruin () I am happy to say that both of my sweet girls, Nina, and Ryan are all happily married and busily creating their own futures. It is a joy every day to watch them love, grow, live, and develop their own families.
We here at home, on the other hand, also had to learn and grow. We had to embrace change...and even positive change can be painful.
Suddenly our little house went from bursting with 10 family members to a quiet...almost somber at times...5.
Rush, Brittany and baby David James moved to Rio Linda with Brittany's parents for a time, and now have their own little place. (So proud of them! )
One day I realized there were no little 1 year old footsteps echoing through our house. No high chair in the dining room. Fewer toys in the playroom. That giggles and curly hair and sloppy, sweet kisses were not a part of my daily life any more.
I no longer listened for Victoria to arrive home from work in the evening. I no longer heard her singing about the house. She no longer came and perched beside me on the arm of the sofa to share details of her day.
Alyssa was gone too. My sunshine girl who clanged around the kitchen creating lovely things and who always had time to make up a story for Julia.
The silence at times was deafening.
Julia started the new school term.
Susanna left with David each morning at 7. She is working 2 jobs, and taking night classes at CRC...she does not return till 10 every evening.
Only Olivia and I are at home every day now.
It is strange, I tell you. Strange.
Coming to terms with the changes, and with the strangeness of our new reality was not only difficult for me, but for Olivia and Julia as well.
For me it was the loss of the hustle and bustle of a full-to-the-brim-and-overflowing house.
It was the relinquishing of daily oversight and concern for my girls, and releasing them to the capable care of their new husbands.
It was the lack of longstanding daily contact.
Suddenly I saw my girls only a couple of times a week...not every day.
Desultory conversations...the daily happenstance of living together...were gone. I missed the "Hey, mom! What's for dinner?" and the "Can I borrow your...(fill in the blank)." You know how sisters are.
24 years of having children.
7 children with all their attendant joys and struggles.
Homeschooling for 18 years.
Yes.
I am very used to having my kids around.
For Olivia and Julia the missing was acute.
Being disabled Julia is often not given credit for being as cognizant of her surroundings as she really is. She understands a great deal more than most people...even we, her family...expect.
Her preferred method of coping was increased tantruming.
And increased stimming behaviors.
And increased aggression.
And increased self-mutilation.
(Which is just a really scary term for pulling her hair and biting herself...regardless, it's not a good thing. Trust me on this.)
We had a rough couple of months, I tell you.
Olivia became very withdrawn.
She was conflicted.
She was happy for her sisters but selfishly angry at what she perceived was their abandonment of her.
Fortunately she was able to process through her emotions pretty quickly and soon reverted to the cheerful, helpful girl I know so well. Weekly overnight visits and frequent coffee dates with her sisters helped.
A lot.
So...survival was the theme of 2011.
Just cope.
Just make it all happen...and hopefully with some modicum of success.
Re-learn...re-direct...release.
Now we are 27 days into 2012 and I feel the burgeoning awareness of a new theme. Gently and quietly it has impressed itself upon me...intruding so lightly into my consciousness as to be almost ignored.
This years theme is growth.
Last year was a year of change...a year of effort...a year of paralyzing emotion.
This is the year to grow.
To become.
To grow new relationships. To nurture existing ones.
To develop new and better habits. To strengthen tried and true methods.
To embrace greater ideas and bigger dreams, and to hold fast to old promises and believe in old prayers.
I want to grow in my love for Jesus.
I want to grow in my love for my husband.
I want to grow in my relationships with each of my children and their spouses.
I want to see growth in my personal life, in my family, and on our little patch of earth here in the Grove.
I don't want to take any important relationship in my life for granted.
I want to treasure my family and friends and church family with an unprecedented passion and commitment.
I want to become more than I have ever been.
I want to do more than I have ever done.
For God.
And for my family.
I want to learn new things and try things that have been lurking in the back of my mind for a long time.
I want to develop gifts and talents that have long laid dormant in my life.
I want to give of myself more freely, love more purely, laugh more easily, and be more thoughtful, gentle, encouraging, and fun.
I want to fling open the doors of my home and my heart in joyful welcome.
There are dreams to catch and vision to cast...and most importantly...love to give.
So...I forge into 2012 with these two quotes as my motto:
Exercise Integrity in the Moment of Choice
-Stephen Covey
and
Do Common Things Uncommonly Well
-John D. Rockefeller
Here's to the sunshine and showers of 2012 that will foster growth!
What proved to be the theme for 2011 did not take long to manifest itself as we joyfully struggled through weddings for not one, but two of our five daughters.
Last years theme was survival, and at times I doubted our chances of succeeding.
Being completely immersed in weddings last year (4 total as Ryan married Johanna in December and Nina married Rich in April, in addition to Alyssa and Aubrey in May and Nick and Victoria in August) there were times I felt completely overwhelmed. The emotional element and the effect of changing family dynamics cannot be understated.
By the time my sweet Victoria's wedding rolled around on August 27th I was approaching complete burnout. But we pushed on and with the help of literally dozens of generous and talented people all of these major events concluded happily.
The weeks following Victoria's wedding were very...surreal...for me.
After Alyssa was married I was immediately plunged into preparation for Victoria's nuptials. I really did not have time to process the fact that she had left home. My time and attention were immediately turned to the details of Victoria's celebration.
13 weeks is not much time to recover and resurrect creativity, finances, and energy.
Rushing headlong toward the wedding week there were times I felt as if I were in another world altogether...someone else's world. I could not figure out how my neat, quiet, ordered existence had been transformed into this insane gallop toward the finish line.
Sparing details, near misses, potential disasters and practical financial ruin () I am happy to say that both of my sweet girls, Nina, and Ryan are all happily married and busily creating their own futures. It is a joy every day to watch them love, grow, live, and develop their own families.
We here at home, on the other hand, also had to learn and grow. We had to embrace change...and even positive change can be painful.
Suddenly our little house went from bursting with 10 family members to a quiet...almost somber at times...5.
Rush, Brittany and baby David James moved to Rio Linda with Brittany's parents for a time, and now have their own little place. (So proud of them! )
One day I realized there were no little 1 year old footsteps echoing through our house. No high chair in the dining room. Fewer toys in the playroom. That giggles and curly hair and sloppy, sweet kisses were not a part of my daily life any more.
I no longer listened for Victoria to arrive home from work in the evening. I no longer heard her singing about the house. She no longer came and perched beside me on the arm of the sofa to share details of her day.
Alyssa was gone too. My sunshine girl who clanged around the kitchen creating lovely things and who always had time to make up a story for Julia.
The silence at times was deafening.
Julia started the new school term.
Susanna left with David each morning at 7. She is working 2 jobs, and taking night classes at CRC...she does not return till 10 every evening.
Only Olivia and I are at home every day now.
It is strange, I tell you. Strange.
Coming to terms with the changes, and with the strangeness of our new reality was not only difficult for me, but for Olivia and Julia as well.
For me it was the loss of the hustle and bustle of a full-to-the-brim-and-overflowing house.
It was the relinquishing of daily oversight and concern for my girls, and releasing them to the capable care of their new husbands.
It was the lack of longstanding daily contact.
Suddenly I saw my girls only a couple of times a week...not every day.
Desultory conversations...the daily happenstance of living together...were gone. I missed the "Hey, mom! What's for dinner?" and the "Can I borrow your...(fill in the blank)." You know how sisters are.
24 years of having children.
7 children with all their attendant joys and struggles.
Homeschooling for 18 years.
Yes.
I am very used to having my kids around.
For Olivia and Julia the missing was acute.
Being disabled Julia is often not given credit for being as cognizant of her surroundings as she really is. She understands a great deal more than most people...even we, her family...expect.
Her preferred method of coping was increased tantruming.
And increased stimming behaviors.
And increased aggression.
And increased self-mutilation.
(Which is just a really scary term for pulling her hair and biting herself...regardless, it's not a good thing. Trust me on this.)
We had a rough couple of months, I tell you.
Olivia became very withdrawn.
She was conflicted.
She was happy for her sisters but selfishly angry at what she perceived was their abandonment of her.
Fortunately she was able to process through her emotions pretty quickly and soon reverted to the cheerful, helpful girl I know so well. Weekly overnight visits and frequent coffee dates with her sisters helped.
A lot.
So...survival was the theme of 2011.
Just cope.
Just make it all happen...and hopefully with some modicum of success.
Re-learn...re-direct...release.
Now we are 27 days into 2012 and I feel the burgeoning awareness of a new theme. Gently and quietly it has impressed itself upon me...intruding so lightly into my consciousness as to be almost ignored.
This years theme is growth.
Last year was a year of change...a year of effort...a year of paralyzing emotion.
This is the year to grow.
To become.
To grow new relationships. To nurture existing ones.
To develop new and better habits. To strengthen tried and true methods.
To embrace greater ideas and bigger dreams, and to hold fast to old promises and believe in old prayers.
I want to grow in my love for Jesus.
I want to grow in my love for my husband.
I want to grow in my relationships with each of my children and their spouses.
I want to see growth in my personal life, in my family, and on our little patch of earth here in the Grove.
I don't want to take any important relationship in my life for granted.
I want to treasure my family and friends and church family with an unprecedented passion and commitment.
I want to become more than I have ever been.
I want to do more than I have ever done.
For God.
And for my family.
I want to learn new things and try things that have been lurking in the back of my mind for a long time.
I want to develop gifts and talents that have long laid dormant in my life.
I want to give of myself more freely, love more purely, laugh more easily, and be more thoughtful, gentle, encouraging, and fun.
I want to fling open the doors of my home and my heart in joyful welcome.
There are dreams to catch and vision to cast...and most importantly...love to give.
So...I forge into 2012 with these two quotes as my motto:
Exercise Integrity in the Moment of Choice
-Stephen Covey
and
Do Common Things Uncommonly Well
-John D. Rockefeller
Here's to the sunshine and showers of 2012 that will foster growth!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Irony
In light of yesterday's rant I found it amusing that this came up in my Pinterest feed today.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Success!
Well. After yesterday's panicked rant about dirty dishes and socks and Butter Loaf Cake I figured I'd better post about today.
Today. Was. Much. Better.
Thank God.
Another day of total failure and I would have really been ready for the loony bin.
Today's success began (as EVERY days success does) with what I did LAST NIGHT.
See, I have this analogy (that my children have heard at least 1,000 times. Really. Ask them.) that compares each day to a picture.
Life, to me, is just one big sketch pad, and each day is a page in the pad.
Now, I don't know how anyone else feels about it, but when I want to draw a picture I always like to start with a clean, smooth sheet of paper. I don't want a piece someone else has scribbled on. I don't want a piece that someone has erased their drawing from.
I want a new, clean sheet of paper.
(I know you know where I'm going with this. But it's ok. This is my space to say it a hundred times if I want.)
So, if I want to draw a beautiful picture on today's sheet of paper then IT MUST BE A NICE, NEW, CLEAN sheet of paper.
Meaning...I don't want to get up and "erase" yesterday's marks off today's paper.
In a long, round-about way I just explained why TODAY'S SUCCESS started LAST NIGHT.
After I got finished with my I-am-a-total-failure-just-shoot-me-now post I did exactly what I said I was going to do.
I changed Julia's diaper. (Almost had to declare a state of emergency over that one.)
I had a nice long conversation with Jesus. Nothing like that to make you feel better. Really.
I finished supper. Served it. Cleaned it up. WASHED THOSE PESKY DISHES.
I gave Julia a shower. Got her into her cozy flannel jammies with the pink elephants all over them.
Packed her backpack. Made her lunch. Laid out her clothes.
Made up my bed with clean sheets. Folded the socks and put them in the drawer.
Then I set up the coffee pot. Set out chicken to thaw in the fridge and decided on breakfast. (My first hot breakfast in 8 days, remember.)
I kissed Julia and tucked her in...Olivia stayed another night at Nick and Victoria's...and prayed for my children. The 2 at home and the others in their respective homes around the city.
I made sure the house was at ground zero...tidy, swept, clean...no clutter or disordered belongings lying about...and turned out the lights.
Then I went to bed with a clear conscience and a sense of inner peace.
When the alarm sounded at 6:30 this morning it was hard to get up.
It was hard to get dressed in the cold dark. (We heat solely with our woodstove and David had not re-kindled the fire yet.)
I dressed quickly and padded to the kitchen in a pair of David's clean socks.
I will tell you this.
If the house had been messy I would have gone back to my warm bed and snuggly down comforter. I would have.
If there had been dishes piled in the sink I would have turned around and walked away.
Cowardly, I know.
But...I'm being honest here.
Instead I made David eggs and ham and toasted bagels. I pushed the little button on the coffee pot and it magically sprang to life and began gurgling forth the icky black brew my husband adores.
I made his sandwiches and poured his coffee and slowly...so slowly...began to come alive.
By the time it was time to wake Julia and get her to the bus I was awake and ready to take on the world.
Ready...as goes my analogy...to draw a beautiful picture on the paper dated January 25, 2012.
And so far, though it is no Rembrandt, it is a picture I am not ashamed of.
Tomorrow's success depends on what I do today.
Or, as Aristotle so eloquently put it:
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an ACT but a HABIT.
Here's to a sketch pad full of beautiful days.
Today. Was. Much. Better.
Thank God.
Another day of total failure and I would have really been ready for the loony bin.
Today's success began (as EVERY days success does) with what I did LAST NIGHT.
See, I have this analogy (that my children have heard at least 1,000 times. Really. Ask them.) that compares each day to a picture.
Life, to me, is just one big sketch pad, and each day is a page in the pad.
Now, I don't know how anyone else feels about it, but when I want to draw a picture I always like to start with a clean, smooth sheet of paper. I don't want a piece someone else has scribbled on. I don't want a piece that someone has erased their drawing from.
I want a new, clean sheet of paper.
(I know you know where I'm going with this. But it's ok. This is my space to say it a hundred times if I want.)
So, if I want to draw a beautiful picture on today's sheet of paper then IT MUST BE A NICE, NEW, CLEAN sheet of paper.
Meaning...I don't want to get up and "erase" yesterday's marks off today's paper.
In a long, round-about way I just explained why TODAY'S SUCCESS started LAST NIGHT.
After I got finished with my I-am-a-total-failure-just-shoot-me-now post I did exactly what I said I was going to do.
I changed Julia's diaper. (Almost had to declare a state of emergency over that one.)
I had a nice long conversation with Jesus. Nothing like that to make you feel better. Really.
I finished supper. Served it. Cleaned it up. WASHED THOSE PESKY DISHES.
I gave Julia a shower. Got her into her cozy flannel jammies with the pink elephants all over them.
Packed her backpack. Made her lunch. Laid out her clothes.
Made up my bed with clean sheets. Folded the socks and put them in the drawer.
Then I set up the coffee pot. Set out chicken to thaw in the fridge and decided on breakfast. (My first hot breakfast in 8 days, remember.)
I kissed Julia and tucked her in...Olivia stayed another night at Nick and Victoria's...and prayed for my children. The 2 at home and the others in their respective homes around the city.
I made sure the house was at ground zero...tidy, swept, clean...no clutter or disordered belongings lying about...and turned out the lights.
Then I went to bed with a clear conscience and a sense of inner peace.
When the alarm sounded at 6:30 this morning it was hard to get up.
It was hard to get dressed in the cold dark. (We heat solely with our woodstove and David had not re-kindled the fire yet.)
I dressed quickly and padded to the kitchen in a pair of David's clean socks.
I will tell you this.
If the house had been messy I would have gone back to my warm bed and snuggly down comforter. I would have.
If there had been dishes piled in the sink I would have turned around and walked away.
Cowardly, I know.
But...I'm being honest here.
Instead I made David eggs and ham and toasted bagels. I pushed the little button on the coffee pot and it magically sprang to life and began gurgling forth the icky black brew my husband adores.
I made his sandwiches and poured his coffee and slowly...so slowly...began to come alive.
By the time it was time to wake Julia and get her to the bus I was awake and ready to take on the world.
Ready...as goes my analogy...to draw a beautiful picture on the paper dated January 25, 2012.
And so far, though it is no Rembrandt, it is a picture I am not ashamed of.
Tomorrow's success depends on what I do today.
Or, as Aristotle so eloquently put it:
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an ACT but a HABIT.
Here's to a sketch pad full of beautiful days.
Blogging is a BIG DEAL.
WARNING. OPINIONATED POST AHEAD.
Another rant, if you will.
If you blog for profit...or HOPE to blog for profit...you might want to stop reading right now.
So. I have received this stunning revelation.
Blogging is BIG. Like MAJOR.
I had no idea. I'm REALLY late to this party...
All this time I thought blogging was just another form of social media. A public journal of sorts. A way to stay connected with Uncle Hugo and Aunt Hildegard. A way to share photos of Junior's first bath/smile/tooth/step/day of school.
I thought the blogging world was full of people (like me) who just liked seeing their thoughts and opinions set down in neat font on cool templates. (Instead of scribbled on yellow legal pads that end up in a box under the bed.)
It seems I was wrong.
Way wrong.
Blogging, it seems, is about two things.
Making money. And popularity.
Hmmmm.
My recent addiction to Pinterest (There really should be a 12 step program for junkies like me...) has brought me to this startling revelation.
From my pins on Pinterest I have visited many blogs. Some I've enjoyed. Some not so much.
Several are talking about their business. Blogging.
It's a business now.
Managing their sponsors. Juggling their clients. Pumping up the number of followers. (Pleeese, pleeeese, pleeeeeeeese follow me!!!)
Wow.
Invoicing their ad people and researching posts and...and...and...
It's confusing to me. I mean...if you can make money showing me a new crochet stitch...GREAT. I really have no problem with women finding a way to make money at home.
Just be REAL about it.
But...and herein lies my bone of contention...A LOT of these women are stay-at-home-moms. Homeschooling moms. Mothers of more than one child under the age of 10.
And while in one post they are telling me the best way to keep my floors shiny and how to decorate my humble abode on a shoestring and how to feed my family gourmet meats for $1.26 per serving, in the next post they are bemoaning the fact that THEIR floors haven't been mopped in a month and their 8 year old just learned to make Top Ramen in self defense. (He was tired of peanut butter and jelly and wanted something WARM to eat.)
Please, people. Practice what you preach. Don't blog about the importance of family dinner when your kids are eating Top Ramen in front of the TV...REGULARLY.
Don't admit that your kids aren't dressed or had their hair brushed yet (and it's 6:00 PM) because you've been SO BUSY WRITING YOUR BLOG ALL DAY. (And you stayed up all night "researching" so they got up alone and ate dry Lucky Charms out of the box...aren't my little darlings resourceful?!) and THEN try to sell me your ebook on Home Management.
Now...I refuse to tar every blogger with the same brush. There are hundreds...thousands...of honest folks out there blogging away and raking in the dough. And I know there are many, many people who blog AND still have it all together.
(Then there is the blogger who has made a business out of NOT having it together. "Come look at how trashed my home is...")
To be really honest...I'm not even sure why my feathers are ruffled. Maybe because of the sudden shift in perspective. Maybe because I now look at most bloggers with a jaundiced eye. I'm just another "follower" that makes them money when I hit their site.
I don't know.
I feel slightly duped...used. And here I thought they just wanted to share their enthusiasm for the latest way to make a hand-stamped burlap pillow. I didn't know they were MARKETING said pillow.
Kind of like the salesman that comes off as your best friend. You KNOW all he wants is to sell you something.
And now there are ebooks. Really? Everyone who can type thinks they're an author.
And everyone who has copied an idea from some other blogger (and ADDED THEIR OWN TWIST) thinks they are a designer. Sigh.
I just don't know.
What I DO know is that, for me, blogging will continue to be a format with which to record daily life. My home...my kids...my thoughts.
And...in my mind at least...this is still a very simple journal.
Now...excuse me...I have some blogs to read. My inbox is full of "New Post" notifications.
CHA-CHING.
Another rant, if you will.
If you blog for profit...or HOPE to blog for profit...you might want to stop reading right now.
So. I have received this stunning revelation.
Blogging is BIG. Like MAJOR.
I had no idea. I'm REALLY late to this party...
All this time I thought blogging was just another form of social media. A public journal of sorts. A way to stay connected with Uncle Hugo and Aunt Hildegard. A way to share photos of Junior's first bath/smile/tooth/step/day of school.
I thought the blogging world was full of people (like me) who just liked seeing their thoughts and opinions set down in neat font on cool templates. (Instead of scribbled on yellow legal pads that end up in a box under the bed.)
It seems I was wrong.
Way wrong.
Blogging, it seems, is about two things.
Making money. And popularity.
Hmmmm.
My recent addiction to Pinterest (There really should be a 12 step program for junkies like me...) has brought me to this startling revelation.
From my pins on Pinterest I have visited many blogs. Some I've enjoyed. Some not so much.
Several are talking about their business. Blogging.
It's a business now.
Managing their sponsors. Juggling their clients. Pumping up the number of followers. (Pleeese, pleeeese, pleeeeeeeese follow me!!!)
Wow.
Invoicing their ad people and researching posts and...and...and...
It's confusing to me. I mean...if you can make money showing me a new crochet stitch...GREAT. I really have no problem with women finding a way to make money at home.
Just be REAL about it.
But...and herein lies my bone of contention...A LOT of these women are stay-at-home-moms. Homeschooling moms. Mothers of more than one child under the age of 10.
And while in one post they are telling me the best way to keep my floors shiny and how to decorate my humble abode on a shoestring and how to feed my family gourmet meats for $1.26 per serving, in the next post they are bemoaning the fact that THEIR floors haven't been mopped in a month and their 8 year old just learned to make Top Ramen in self defense. (He was tired of peanut butter and jelly and wanted something WARM to eat.)
Please, people. Practice what you preach. Don't blog about the importance of family dinner when your kids are eating Top Ramen in front of the TV...REGULARLY.
Don't admit that your kids aren't dressed or had their hair brushed yet (and it's 6:00 PM) because you've been SO BUSY WRITING YOUR BLOG ALL DAY. (And you stayed up all night "researching" so they got up alone and ate dry Lucky Charms out of the box...aren't my little darlings resourceful?!) and THEN try to sell me your ebook on Home Management.
Now...I refuse to tar every blogger with the same brush. There are hundreds...thousands...of honest folks out there blogging away and raking in the dough. And I know there are many, many people who blog AND still have it all together.
(Then there is the blogger who has made a business out of NOT having it together. "Come look at how trashed my home is...")
To be really honest...I'm not even sure why my feathers are ruffled. Maybe because of the sudden shift in perspective. Maybe because I now look at most bloggers with a jaundiced eye. I'm just another "follower" that makes them money when I hit their site.
I don't know.
I feel slightly duped...used. And here I thought they just wanted to share their enthusiasm for the latest way to make a hand-stamped burlap pillow. I didn't know they were MARKETING said pillow.
Kind of like the salesman that comes off as your best friend. You KNOW all he wants is to sell you something.
And now there are ebooks. Really? Everyone who can type thinks they're an author.
And everyone who has copied an idea from some other blogger (and ADDED THEIR OWN TWIST) thinks they are a designer. Sigh.
I just don't know.
What I DO know is that, for me, blogging will continue to be a format with which to record daily life. My home...my kids...my thoughts.
And...in my mind at least...this is still a very simple journal.
Now...excuse me...I have some blogs to read. My inbox is full of "New Post" notifications.
CHA-CHING.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Just Sayin
I have this blog post rolling around in my head.
In my perfect world I could just say everything I want to and then go on my merry way. After all, it's not like anyone reads this blog. (And I want to go on record saying that that is ok...I started this blog as a sort of personal journal anyway. In fact, I almost opened it under another account and fictitious name.)
I'm not even sure WHY I would want to say some of this on a public forum.
????????
Pressing onward.
I am bothered by things.
I am bothered by the fact that I just ate 2/3 of an Entenmann's Butter Loaf Cake.
That's five (5) slices.
F-I-V-E.
By myself.
With Reddi Wip on top. And not even one measly strawberry or slice of banana to pretend to make it "healthy".
I am bothered that hubby ran out of clean socks yesterday.
Yes.
Really.
Go ahead and laugh. This is a big deal to me.
After all. Clean socks for hubby has been part of my job description for almost 26 years. You would THINK I would have it mastered by now.
Check the drawer.
Oh, my! No clean socks.
WASH SOME!
And as he told me (grumpily) he had to wear BLACK DRESS SOCKS to work. And they kept sliding down in his boots.
Very annoying, I'm sure.
I am bothered (very) by the frustration I feel toward Julia at times. I mean, it's not like she ASKED to be disabled.
But sometimes I want to scream. (I don't.)
And sometimes I want to cry (I do...rarely.)
And sometimes I just plain worry. (Often.)
Like...what will I do when ALL the older children are gone?
And...what will I do when she's bigger than I am?
And...will I still be changing poopy diapers when she's 30?
And...when she is 30 I will be 76.
Yes.
76.
Ummmm...that's really old to be changing diapers.
Onward.
I went to bed last night with dishes in the sink.
Fail.
Now...this may seem minor to you...but I cannot remember the last time I went to bed with dirty dishes.
This is major to me.
It may be 3:00 in the morning, but I don't put this weary body in the bed till the dishes are clean.
And the house is completely straight.
And Julia's clothes are laid out...her backpack prepped...her lunch packed and in the fridge.
And dinner planned for the next day.
And breakfast prepped.
And the coffee pot set up.
AND CLEAN SOCKS ARE IN DAVID'S DRAWER.
(Those socks are really bothering me.)
I. Do. Not. Leave. Messes. Overnight.
(Unless, of course, there is a whole houseful of cousins sleeping over, jumping on the beds and slamming in and out of the house till dawn. THEN messes are inevitable. I mean THE BEST time to play in 10 wooded acres is at night. With a flashlight.
That's an acceptable exception.
Last night's mess was laziness. Plain and simple.)
AND before anyone thinks that all of this is blown WAY out of proportion (it is) you have to understand that it represents a very serious backsliding into days I would rather forget forever.
Very serious.
The ground is slipping even now.
Onward.
I wonder. A lot.
I wonder what people would think if they knew that Julia was sitting beside me (on the couch) crumbling the last 1/3 of the Butter Loaf Cake into the upholstery.
Or that I haven't made a hot breakfast for over a week.
(Really and truly. 8 days to be precise.)
And I make hot breakfast 7 days a week. It's part of my job description. And I love it. But I've been SO TIRED lately...that extra 45 minutes of sleep has meant more to me than blessing my family.
WARNING - WARNING...slippery slope ahead!!!
Or if they knew how carefully I frame each picture I take so that none of the imperfections in my house show.
Like walls that are framed in, but not even sheet rocked.
Or if they had any idea how many bags of garbage are out in the pile waiting to be burnt.
Because we can't burn in summer.
And it's been a dry winter.
And David just plain doesn't want to do it.
I wonder what would be the reaction if they knew how inadequate and ineffective I feel sometimes.
(Read: MOST of the time.)
And how I LONG to be so much more than I am.
And that under my cheerful smile and calm exterior I really want to scream and cry.
And sometimes I DON'T WANT to be positive.
And I DON'T WANT to be cheerful.
And my life is JUST AS nuts, crazy, mixed-up, worrisome, scary as theirs is.
And sometimes I don't want to do the dishes.
And I don't check the drawer for clean socks.
And I eat loaf cake with Reddi Wip all day long. And nothing healthy OR homemade.
And sometimes I don't want to be patient.
And I don't want to be kind.
Sad, but true.
Now...I want to interrupt this rant/complaint fest to say that I KNOW these are first world problems. And I KNOW that there are starving, abused, sexually exploited children all over the world. And I KNOW that in the grand scheme of things this of very little (if any) importance. I KNOW.
Ok...ok...onward.
Almost there.
What now?
Now I get off this couch.
And I change Julia's diaper.
(Because...believe me...that's a number 1, A list priority right now.
Then I go have myself a good old-fashioned prayer meeting. Just me and God.
(And Julia )
'Cause really, that's what this is all about.
And I will repent for my stinky attitude and self-pity and laziness.
And I will pray for my family.
And I will pray for all those children around the world who need encouragement, strength, blessing, and provision more than I do.
Then I will clean up the cake...fold the socks and put them away...and wash the dishes...and take some medicine because all that cake really has my tummy upset.
And I will put the clean sheets on the bed...and finish supper...and give Julia her shower.
And I will serve supper...and WASH THE DISHES...and prep breakfast.
I will set the coffee pot...lay out Julia's clothes...make her lunch...prep her back pack.
And set meat for tomorrows supper in the fridge to thaw.
And tidy the house.
And tuck in my little sweeties and thank Jesus for giving them to me. All of them.
I will pray for my children who still live here at home and for the ones who have moved out.
And then I will take a shower and go to bed.
And tomorrow I will have my groove back.
(I hope.)
Onward.
In my perfect world I could just say everything I want to and then go on my merry way. After all, it's not like anyone reads this blog. (And I want to go on record saying that that is ok...I started this blog as a sort of personal journal anyway. In fact, I almost opened it under another account and fictitious name.)
I'm not even sure WHY I would want to say some of this on a public forum.
????????
Pressing onward.
I am bothered by things.
I am bothered by the fact that I just ate 2/3 of an Entenmann's Butter Loaf Cake.
That's five (5) slices.
F-I-V-E.
By myself.
With Reddi Wip on top. And not even one measly strawberry or slice of banana to pretend to make it "healthy".
I am bothered that hubby ran out of clean socks yesterday.
Yes.
Really.
Go ahead and laugh. This is a big deal to me.
After all. Clean socks for hubby has been part of my job description for almost 26 years. You would THINK I would have it mastered by now.
Check the drawer.
Oh, my! No clean socks.
WASH SOME!
And as he told me (grumpily) he had to wear BLACK DRESS SOCKS to work. And they kept sliding down in his boots.
Very annoying, I'm sure.
I am bothered (very) by the frustration I feel toward Julia at times. I mean, it's not like she ASKED to be disabled.
But sometimes I want to scream. (I don't.)
And sometimes I want to cry (I do...rarely.)
And sometimes I just plain worry. (Often.)
Like...what will I do when ALL the older children are gone?
And...what will I do when she's bigger than I am?
And...will I still be changing poopy diapers when she's 30?
And...when she is 30 I will be 76.
Yes.
76.
Ummmm...that's really old to be changing diapers.
Onward.
I went to bed last night with dishes in the sink.
Fail.
Now...this may seem minor to you...but I cannot remember the last time I went to bed with dirty dishes.
This is major to me.
It may be 3:00 in the morning, but I don't put this weary body in the bed till the dishes are clean.
And the house is completely straight.
And Julia's clothes are laid out...her backpack prepped...her lunch packed and in the fridge.
And dinner planned for the next day.
And breakfast prepped.
And the coffee pot set up.
AND CLEAN SOCKS ARE IN DAVID'S DRAWER.
(Those socks are really bothering me.)
I. Do. Not. Leave. Messes. Overnight.
(Unless, of course, there is a whole houseful of cousins sleeping over, jumping on the beds and slamming in and out of the house till dawn. THEN messes are inevitable. I mean THE BEST time to play in 10 wooded acres is at night. With a flashlight.
That's an acceptable exception.
Last night's mess was laziness. Plain and simple.)
AND before anyone thinks that all of this is blown WAY out of proportion (it is) you have to understand that it represents a very serious backsliding into days I would rather forget forever.
Very serious.
The ground is slipping even now.
Onward.
I wonder. A lot.
I wonder what people would think if they knew that Julia was sitting beside me (on the couch) crumbling the last 1/3 of the Butter Loaf Cake into the upholstery.
Or that I haven't made a hot breakfast for over a week.
(Really and truly. 8 days to be precise.)
And I make hot breakfast 7 days a week. It's part of my job description. And I love it. But I've been SO TIRED lately...that extra 45 minutes of sleep has meant more to me than blessing my family.
WARNING - WARNING...slippery slope ahead!!!
Or if they knew how carefully I frame each picture I take so that none of the imperfections in my house show.
Like walls that are framed in, but not even sheet rocked.
Or if they had any idea how many bags of garbage are out in the pile waiting to be burnt.
Because we can't burn in summer.
And it's been a dry winter.
And David just plain doesn't want to do it.
I wonder what would be the reaction if they knew how inadequate and ineffective I feel sometimes.
(Read: MOST of the time.)
And how I LONG to be so much more than I am.
And that under my cheerful smile and calm exterior I really want to scream and cry.
And sometimes I DON'T WANT to be positive.
And I DON'T WANT to be cheerful.
And my life is JUST AS nuts, crazy, mixed-up, worrisome, scary as theirs is.
And sometimes I don't want to do the dishes.
And I don't check the drawer for clean socks.
And I eat loaf cake with Reddi Wip all day long. And nothing healthy OR homemade.
And sometimes I don't want to be patient.
And I don't want to be kind.
Sad, but true.
Now...I want to interrupt this rant/complaint fest to say that I KNOW these are first world problems. And I KNOW that there are starving, abused, sexually exploited children all over the world. And I KNOW that in the grand scheme of things this of very little (if any) importance. I KNOW.
Ok...ok...onward.
Almost there.
What now?
Now I get off this couch.
And I change Julia's diaper.
(Because...believe me...that's a number 1, A list priority right now.
Then I go have myself a good old-fashioned prayer meeting. Just me and God.
(And Julia )
'Cause really, that's what this is all about.
And I will repent for my stinky attitude and self-pity and laziness.
And I will pray for my family.
And I will pray for all those children around the world who need encouragement, strength, blessing, and provision more than I do.
Then I will clean up the cake...fold the socks and put them away...and wash the dishes...and take some medicine because all that cake really has my tummy upset.
And I will put the clean sheets on the bed...and finish supper...and give Julia her shower.
And I will serve supper...and WASH THE DISHES...and prep breakfast.
I will set the coffee pot...lay out Julia's clothes...make her lunch...prep her back pack.
And set meat for tomorrows supper in the fridge to thaw.
And tidy the house.
And tuck in my little sweeties and thank Jesus for giving them to me. All of them.
I will pray for my children who still live here at home and for the ones who have moved out.
And then I will take a shower and go to bed.
And tomorrow I will have my groove back.
(I hope.)
Onward.
Monday, January 16, 2012
New Title...New Direction
This blog is slowly taking on a life of it's own and changing direction.
My original plan was to document what we ate each day.
For my own benefit.
To analyze what, when, where, and how much we were eating.
To Help me screen for repeat meals, ruts...whatever.
And because I just plain love food.
I love thinking about it.
Reading about it.
Planning it.
Shopping for it.
Preparing it.
Presenting it.
It is a major high for me to serve my family well.
I'm the girl who would rather shop for food than anything else. Who plans all week what to make...what to buy...and CANNOT wait to get to the GROCERY STORE.
I read the weekly grocery ads like they hold the secret to eternal youth or something.
David has learned, after 26 years, not to rush me through the store. This is where I get my "buying pleasure". He's lucky I feel that way about purchasing groceries and NOT about shopping at Nordstrom.
He's also lucky that I'm a frugal maniac
(Who fed a family of 9 on $75 a week CONSISTENTLY for years...and very little mac and cheese or Top Ramen, thank you very much.)
and make almost EVERYTHING from scratch.
Try me.
(I don't make spaghetti noodles because I don't have the right die for my pasta machine. Other than that...just about everything.)
I'm the one who owns hundreds of cookbooks and reads them like novels. There are 3 on my nightstand right now. 6 by the couch. 2 on the counter with recipes marked for dinner tonight.
I'm the one who has 17 food apps on her iPhone and subscribes to at least a dozen food blogs/websites...new recipes EVERY DAY!!!
Yeah, baby!!
So...all that to say that a blog about FOOD and FOOD ALONE makes a lot of sense for someone like me.
Right?
Well...no. I guess not.
Because every time I tried to document the FOOD I ended up talking about US.
Our home. Our kids. Our activities.
I can't seem to pick out just the food.
So...
I changed the title of this blog and decided to have at it. I've always wanted a blog to JUST BE ME in. To let my imperfect, genuine, sometimes snarky, opinionated self speak.
And, mostly, I talk about...ummm...my life.
Which is serving Jesus. David. Our children. Our lovely little grandson.
Our home. Our homestead...and our attempts, both successful and unsuccessful, at making it the self-sustaining, profitable enterprise we want it to be.
All that happens here...at The Little House (1200 square feet) in the Grove.
Welcome.
My original plan was to document what we ate each day.
For my own benefit.
To analyze what, when, where, and how much we were eating.
To Help me screen for repeat meals, ruts...whatever.
And because I just plain love food.
I love thinking about it.
Reading about it.
Planning it.
Shopping for it.
Preparing it.
Presenting it.
It is a major high for me to serve my family well.
I'm the girl who would rather shop for food than anything else. Who plans all week what to make...what to buy...and CANNOT wait to get to the GROCERY STORE.
I read the weekly grocery ads like they hold the secret to eternal youth or something.
David has learned, after 26 years, not to rush me through the store. This is where I get my "buying pleasure". He's lucky I feel that way about purchasing groceries and NOT about shopping at Nordstrom.
He's also lucky that I'm a frugal maniac
(Who fed a family of 9 on $75 a week CONSISTENTLY for years...and very little mac and cheese or Top Ramen, thank you very much.)
and make almost EVERYTHING from scratch.
Try me.
(I don't make spaghetti noodles because I don't have the right die for my pasta machine. Other than that...just about everything.)
I'm the one who owns hundreds of cookbooks and reads them like novels. There are 3 on my nightstand right now. 6 by the couch. 2 on the counter with recipes marked for dinner tonight.
I'm the one who has 17 food apps on her iPhone and subscribes to at least a dozen food blogs/websites...new recipes EVERY DAY!!!
Yeah, baby!!
So...all that to say that a blog about FOOD and FOOD ALONE makes a lot of sense for someone like me.
Right?
Well...no. I guess not.
Because every time I tried to document the FOOD I ended up talking about US.
Our home. Our kids. Our activities.
I can't seem to pick out just the food.
So...
I changed the title of this blog and decided to have at it. I've always wanted a blog to JUST BE ME in. To let my imperfect, genuine, sometimes snarky, opinionated self speak.
And, mostly, I talk about...ummm...my life.
Which is serving Jesus. David. Our children. Our lovely little grandson.
Our home. Our homestead...and our attempts, both successful and unsuccessful, at making it the self-sustaining, profitable enterprise we want it to be.
All that happens here...at The Little House (1200 square feet) in the Grove.
Welcome.
Friday, January 13, 2012
January 13, 2012 -Homegoing...Bro. John Lavin Sr.
Ran like a crazy person all day. Had donuts from Chang's for breakfast! Woohoo! It's been almost a year since we had Chang's!
Reception food for lunch and when we got home from the event Alyssa had 2 kinds of soup ready. (BLESS HER!!!)
Darlene and kids are staying the night in order to be here for David's birthday party tomorrow.
Banzarottis for 30.
Yes. I am crazy.
But it will be fun. And when we're done there will be more family memories made!!
Missing Destinee who went to Victoria's to spend the night. Love that sweet girl!!!!
Reception food for lunch and when we got home from the event Alyssa had 2 kinds of soup ready. (BLESS HER!!!)
Darlene and kids are staying the night in order to be here for David's birthday party tomorrow.
Banzarottis for 30.
Yes. I am crazy.
But it will be fun. And when we're done there will be more family memories made!!
Missing Destinee who went to Victoria's to spend the night. Love that sweet girl!!!!
January 12, 2012 - Happy Birthday, David and Reception Prep
Today was another different day.
Yesterday I received a call to prepare a reception for the Homegoing service of Bro. John Lavin...a dear older man in our church who had passed away earlier in the week. Circumstances dictated that the service be held soon following Bro. Lavin's death, and so we were given 48 hours to put together our dinner. I dropped everything and did the prep work. So...again...no regular meals for us. It is barely 2 weeks into 2012 and we have had 2 funerals, a wedding, a major event at the Wilson Center, and we have another large event on Sunday at the Wilson Center. (Bridal Faire) And 2 birthday parties that involve 30 + people. I am "evented" out. Totally. Soooo ready for TIME AT HOME.
But ministry dictates service. And, except for the utter exhaustion I feel afterwards, and the toll it takes on my family, particularly Julia, I love it. I love to make, serve, tear down, clean up events. I love to be strong and cheerful and (hopefully) a peaceful presence...reassuring. All events listed are emotional in one way or another. I love to be a help.
However.
It costs something, and everyone at home pays. Cheerfully. But when I am not here things just aren't the same.
Anyway...
Today was David's birthday. We went into town to prep for the funeral (shop) and make a flower arrangement for Nicole's grandmother's funeral.
We didn't eat in the AM and so I took David and Victoria (who was helping me) to Sizzler for his birthday.
We got home after picking up Susanna at 9:30 and had homemade fried chicken and rice that Alyssa had made.
I'm not sure what the girls ate when I was gone, but I know Alyssa fed them!
Tomorrow is a nutty, nutty day. Busy, busy, busy.
Yesterday I received a call to prepare a reception for the Homegoing service of Bro. John Lavin...a dear older man in our church who had passed away earlier in the week. Circumstances dictated that the service be held soon following Bro. Lavin's death, and so we were given 48 hours to put together our dinner. I dropped everything and did the prep work. So...again...no regular meals for us. It is barely 2 weeks into 2012 and we have had 2 funerals, a wedding, a major event at the Wilson Center, and we have another large event on Sunday at the Wilson Center. (Bridal Faire) And 2 birthday parties that involve 30 + people. I am "evented" out. Totally. Soooo ready for TIME AT HOME.
But ministry dictates service. And, except for the utter exhaustion I feel afterwards, and the toll it takes on my family, particularly Julia, I love it. I love to make, serve, tear down, clean up events. I love to be strong and cheerful and (hopefully) a peaceful presence...reassuring. All events listed are emotional in one way or another. I love to be a help.
However.
It costs something, and everyone at home pays. Cheerfully. But when I am not here things just aren't the same.
Anyway...
Today was David's birthday. We went into town to prep for the funeral (shop) and make a flower arrangement for Nicole's grandmother's funeral.
We didn't eat in the AM and so I took David and Victoria (who was helping me) to Sizzler for his birthday.
We got home after picking up Susanna at 9:30 and had homemade fried chicken and rice that Alyssa had made.
I'm not sure what the girls ate when I was gone, but I know Alyssa fed them!
Tomorrow is a nutty, nutty day. Busy, busy, busy.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
January 11, 2012 Chicken and stuffing
Simple day. Yay!
Breakfast for all: oatmeal and toast.
Lunch: chicken noodle soup left over from Monday night (homemade noodles! Yes!)
Snack: cinnamon toast...a childhood favorite!
Supper: chicken and stuffing (using up all the bits and pieces of bread left over from events...rye, sourdough, garlic), green beans, green salad (homemade ranch...yes!)
That's it.
Tomorrow will be different.
Sadly, I have another funeral dinner to prepare/serve on Friday afternoon for Bro. John Lavin Sr. We will miss this sweet old man.
Tomorrow is prep day, and Friday is event day.
Alyssa is here with girls though, so they will eat regular meals.
Whew.
One measure of guilt alleviated!
Breakfast for all: oatmeal and toast.
Lunch: chicken noodle soup left over from Monday night (homemade noodles! Yes!)
Snack: cinnamon toast...a childhood favorite!
Supper: chicken and stuffing (using up all the bits and pieces of bread left over from events...rye, sourdough, garlic), green beans, green salad (homemade ranch...yes!)
That's it.
Tomorrow will be different.
Sadly, I have another funeral dinner to prepare/serve on Friday afternoon for Bro. John Lavin Sr. We will miss this sweet old man.
Tomorrow is prep day, and Friday is event day.
Alyssa is here with girls though, so they will eat regular meals.
Whew.
One measure of guilt alleviated!
January 10, 2012 - BBQ Pork
Brief entry today as it is already past 1:00 am.
David, Breakfast: omelet with cheese/meat filling
David, lunch: shredded pork BBQ sandwiches, tortilla chips
Julia, breakfast: at school
Julia, lunch: I sent leftover chicken soup and a green salad, banana and 1 cookie.
Olivia and I did not eat breakfast or lunch as the church was called to a fast today. We did break that fast before service with some tortilla chips.
Supper for all of us was late; after church. We had hot sandwiches w/provolone cheese. Tuesdays are usually soup days, but we had soup Monday this week.
So...crockpot BBQ pork.
Yes, David ate the same thing for lunch AND dinner.
No, he didn't mind. He loves BBQ and I rarely make it, so he was indulging.
One of my goals this year is to cut my food budget in half. I have been spending around $75/week on groceries for a family of 5. My goal is $40/week. Completely doable with planning and stockpiling when things are on sale.
Also...NO WASTE. What we don't eat, our animals (chickens/pig/goat/cats/dog) can eat. I am always frugal by nature, but am determined to be even more so. There is no reason to throw away perfectly good food because I've allowed it to go to waste due to poor planning. Staying on top of my leftovers and produce drawers is paramount!!
David, Breakfast: omelet with cheese/meat filling
David, lunch: shredded pork BBQ sandwiches, tortilla chips
Julia, breakfast: at school
Julia, lunch: I sent leftover chicken soup and a green salad, banana and 1 cookie.
Olivia and I did not eat breakfast or lunch as the church was called to a fast today. We did break that fast before service with some tortilla chips.
Supper for all of us was late; after church. We had hot sandwiches w/provolone cheese. Tuesdays are usually soup days, but we had soup Monday this week.
So...crockpot BBQ pork.
Yes, David ate the same thing for lunch AND dinner.
No, he didn't mind. He loves BBQ and I rarely make it, so he was indulging.
One of my goals this year is to cut my food budget in half. I have been spending around $75/week on groceries for a family of 5. My goal is $40/week. Completely doable with planning and stockpiling when things are on sale.
Also...NO WASTE. What we don't eat, our animals (chickens/pig/goat/cats/dog) can eat. I am always frugal by nature, but am determined to be even more so. There is no reason to throw away perfectly good food because I've allowed it to go to waste due to poor planning. Staying on top of my leftovers and produce drawers is paramount!!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
January 9, 2012 - Finally!
An almost normal day. I am breathing a sigh of relief. It is not my imagination! It's all coming back to me...we DO occasionally have HOMEMADE meals at REGULAR times!
Whew. I was worried for a while!!!!
Today: up at 6. Exhausted, but felt SO good to be getting my groove back.
Breakfast for David: Eggs/bacon/coffee
Breakfast for we girls: pancakes
Lunch: Chili and Chips
Supper: Chicken noodle soup with homemade noodles/green salad
Ahhh. I feel better!
Whew. I was worried for a while!!!!
Today: up at 6. Exhausted, but felt SO good to be getting my groove back.
Breakfast for David: Eggs/bacon/coffee
Breakfast for we girls: pancakes
Lunch: Chili and Chips
Supper: Chicken noodle soup with homemade noodles/green salad
Ahhh. I feel better!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Weeeelllllll...guess what!
Another nutty food day.
In fact I don't even know if I want to list what we've eaten today. More cheese balls. More crackers and baguettes. More enchiladas and rice. More chips. Cookies.
Eeeek.
I am sooooo ready for tomorrow.
Monday!
Yay!
Really.
Julia goes back to school.
I have no events. (Except for one floral arrangement for a funeral on Thursday.)
Darlene is coming over to craft for her conference and do laundry tomorrow.
Other than that it should be a pretty TYPICAL day.
I so want to get back on track and have order and method till No Limits...I KNOW life will be nuts during NL.
That's expected.
BUT NOT EVERY STINKING DAY!!!!
Yay, Monday!
I'm turning on the 39 alarms that govern every waking hour of my TYPICAL days now...starting at 6:00 tomorrow morning real life resumes.
Let's roll!
Another nutty food day.
In fact I don't even know if I want to list what we've eaten today. More cheese balls. More crackers and baguettes. More enchiladas and rice. More chips. Cookies.
Eeeek.
I am sooooo ready for tomorrow.
Monday!
Yay!
Really.
Julia goes back to school.
I have no events. (Except for one floral arrangement for a funeral on Thursday.)
Darlene is coming over to craft for her conference and do laundry tomorrow.
Other than that it should be a pretty TYPICAL day.
I so want to get back on track and have order and method till No Limits...I KNOW life will be nuts during NL.
That's expected.
BUT NOT EVERY STINKING DAY!!!!
Yay, Monday!
I'm turning on the 39 alarms that govern every waking hour of my TYPICAL days now...starting at 6:00 tomorrow morning real life resumes.
Let's roll!
January 7, 2012 -Alyssa: Surprise Birthday Party
Alyssa turned 21 on the fourth and Aubrey wanted to give her a birthday party. She is a quick little thing so surprising her takes lots of...creativity. (Read: lying...Lord forgive us!)
This morning (another atypical day...is anyone noticing a disturbing pattern here?) we got up soooo exhausted it was hard to move. Everything that had nerve endings hurt. It was...awful. No other word for it.
Guess what we ate...all day...? Yes. Cheese balls. Crackers. Baguettes. Pizza. All leftover from yesterday. Olivia and Riahna even shared the remaining burrito and taco from Dad's Del Taco run last night.
Another winning day. Hurrah for me. Not.
We had planned to make enchiladas, beans, rice, chips & salsa, and Mexican Caesar salad. This is precisely what I did. Two half pans of chicken enchiladas, and two half pans of pork enchiladas. Homemade refried beans. And Alyssa's favorite salad. Chopped romaine, chopped cilantro, cotija cheese, black olives, grape tomatoes, sliced roasted red peppers, pepitas, thinly sliced fried tortilla strips, and cilantro ranch dressing. Yum.
Dessert was supposed to be cake and ice cream. We had both. But Aubrey wanted me to try my new waffle cone iron that I got for Christmas from my folks.
Updated plan: waffle cone sundaes.
So...three kinds of ice cream, toffee bits, peanut butter chips, butterscotch chips, chocolate chips, chocolate, strawberry, caramel, and butterscotch syrups, whipped cream and cherries...
Add homemade waffle cones and we had an ice cream feast. Definitely atypical! But yummy! And worth the effort. Happy birthday to my sweet Alyssa!
This morning (another atypical day...is anyone noticing a disturbing pattern here?) we got up soooo exhausted it was hard to move. Everything that had nerve endings hurt. It was...awful. No other word for it.
Guess what we ate...all day...? Yes. Cheese balls. Crackers. Baguettes. Pizza. All leftover from yesterday. Olivia and Riahna even shared the remaining burrito and taco from Dad's Del Taco run last night.
Another winning day. Hurrah for me. Not.
We had planned to make enchiladas, beans, rice, chips & salsa, and Mexican Caesar salad. This is precisely what I did. Two half pans of chicken enchiladas, and two half pans of pork enchiladas. Homemade refried beans. And Alyssa's favorite salad. Chopped romaine, chopped cilantro, cotija cheese, black olives, grape tomatoes, sliced roasted red peppers, pepitas, thinly sliced fried tortilla strips, and cilantro ranch dressing. Yum.
Dessert was supposed to be cake and ice cream. We had both. But Aubrey wanted me to try my new waffle cone iron that I got for Christmas from my folks.
Updated plan: waffle cone sundaes.
So...three kinds of ice cream, toffee bits, peanut butter chips, butterscotch chips, chocolate chips, chocolate, strawberry, caramel, and butterscotch syrups, whipped cream and cherries...
Add homemade waffle cones and we had an ice cream feast. Definitely atypical! But yummy! And worth the effort. Happy birthday to my sweet Alyssa!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
January 6, 2012. Luke and Carly. Wedding
Today we ate more party food. Exhausted after the rehearsal dinner clean up and pre-reception set up we fell into bed around 1:30. The alarms started going off at 6 am. Way too early.
Got up and everyone ate the soup I had put in the crock pot for supper...that we got home too late to eat last night! Also ate chips/salsa left over from rehearsal dinner (Chipotle!!!!) and cake. VERY healthy way to begin the day!!!
At the church Patti (mother of the bride) provided pizza for us...we were being busy little bees!
Reception food was cheese balls (amazing!!!! Patti made all of them), crackers/breads, fruit and ham/salami. Nibbled this, but truly we were running like mad dogs the entire time.
Oh. And pie. Lots of pie! 30 lovely, homemade pies from incredible cooks who attend our church. Wow. I DID take time for pie!
Sheila Walker's peach pie! Word!!! Martha Martin's pecan. Dorothy Newton's apple. Mary Phillips' peanut butter. And a host of others.
A. M. A. Z. I. N. G.
I did not try them all.
But I wanted to.
I really did!
My sweet hubby (who is going without regular meals ALL WEEK because of 3 major events!) stopped at Del Taco and got burritos/tacos. We scarfed these in the car at 2 am, hobbled into the house on our swollen, achy feet and collapsed.
Into bed...on sofas...there may have been someone on the floor.
And slept the sleep of the dead.
Which is why I'm posting this on Saturday the 7th instead of Friday the 6th.
I know this was supposed to be a simple accounting of food we eat every day. Something that looked kinda like this:
B: blah, blah, blah
L: blah, blah, blah
S: blah, blah, blah
Snack: blah, blah, blah
And maybe a pic or two, but it seems to be evolving into a journal of sorts.
So, on that note I want to give a shout-out to three VERY SPECIAL GIRLS who pulled the load like grown women the last two days. My wonderful nieces Destinee and Riahna, and my sweet Olivia. They all work events like pros, never complain, do anything they are asked cheerfully and well, and without them I would be dead.
Dead.
In. The. Ground.
Also Janay and Melba. My faithful, hard-working, uncomplaining, push-through-to-the-end-till-the-last-dish-is-washed-and-the-last-crumb-is-wiped (and then ask if there is anything else to do!) events partners...I couldn't have done it without you!
So...thanks, girls. You are all amazing. Without you I would have to start saying no. And I don't want to do that!
Even though I can barely walk today!!
Got up and everyone ate the soup I had put in the crock pot for supper...that we got home too late to eat last night! Also ate chips/salsa left over from rehearsal dinner (Chipotle!!!!) and cake. VERY healthy way to begin the day!!!
At the church Patti (mother of the bride) provided pizza for us...we were being busy little bees!
Reception food was cheese balls (amazing!!!! Patti made all of them), crackers/breads, fruit and ham/salami. Nibbled this, but truly we were running like mad dogs the entire time.
Oh. And pie. Lots of pie! 30 lovely, homemade pies from incredible cooks who attend our church. Wow. I DID take time for pie!
Sheila Walker's peach pie! Word!!! Martha Martin's pecan. Dorothy Newton's apple. Mary Phillips' peanut butter. And a host of others.
A. M. A. Z. I. N. G.
I did not try them all.
But I wanted to.
I really did!
My sweet hubby (who is going without regular meals ALL WEEK because of 3 major events!) stopped at Del Taco and got burritos/tacos. We scarfed these in the car at 2 am, hobbled into the house on our swollen, achy feet and collapsed.
Into bed...on sofas...there may have been someone on the floor.
And slept the sleep of the dead.
Which is why I'm posting this on Saturday the 7th instead of Friday the 6th.
I know this was supposed to be a simple accounting of food we eat every day. Something that looked kinda like this:
B: blah, blah, blah
L: blah, blah, blah
S: blah, blah, blah
Snack: blah, blah, blah
And maybe a pic or two, but it seems to be evolving into a journal of sorts.
So, on that note I want to give a shout-out to three VERY SPECIAL GIRLS who pulled the load like grown women the last two days. My wonderful nieces Destinee and Riahna, and my sweet Olivia. They all work events like pros, never complain, do anything they are asked cheerfully and well, and without them I would be dead.
Dead.
In. The. Ground.
Also Janay and Melba. My faithful, hard-working, uncomplaining, push-through-to-the-end-till-the-last-dish-is-washed-and-the-last-crumb-is-wiped (and then ask if there is anything else to do!) events partners...I couldn't have done it without you!
So...thanks, girls. You are all amazing. Without you I would have to start saying no. And I don't want to do that!
Even though I can barely walk today!!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Another atypical day. This will NEVER end!!!
Today was Luke and Carly's rehearsal. Tomorrow is their wedding. We are not eating very regularly or healthfully. Itsaseasonitsaseasonitsaseason!!!!!!!
Pancakes this am. Easy and we had everything to make them. Also feed a lot as we have Destinee and Riahna here for a couple days. I needed the help with Julia and with these events.
Fed David frittata and sent sandwiches, leftover apple crisp and more Doritos for his lunch today.
Girlies ate soup. (Ramen, but I'm ashamed to admit it...) PB&J's, potato salad and fruit (apples and bananas) finished off their dinner.
Des and I had rehearsal dinner food. Chipotle burrito, salsa, chips and cake. David had same when he came to pick us up.
So glad this day is over. I am so tired and EVERYTHING aches. EVERYTHING. Head. Feet. Legs. So tired.
Tomorrow is reception. More irregular meals. It's ok. I would lay down in front of a speeding train for Carly!!!
Pancakes this am. Easy and we had everything to make them. Also feed a lot as we have Destinee and Riahna here for a couple days. I needed the help with Julia and with these events.
Fed David frittata and sent sandwiches, leftover apple crisp and more Doritos for his lunch today.
Girlies ate soup. (Ramen, but I'm ashamed to admit it...) PB&J's, potato salad and fruit (apples and bananas) finished off their dinner.
Des and I had rehearsal dinner food. Chipotle burrito, salsa, chips and cake. David had same when he came to pick us up.
So glad this day is over. I am so tired and EVERYTHING aches. EVERYTHING. Head. Feet. Legs. So tired.
Tomorrow is reception. More irregular meals. It's ok. I would lay down in front of a speeding train for Carly!!!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Random...
Another random day. Don't like these much. Wow. Only 4 days in and I'm realizing how...random...our eating is. I always thought we were so disciplined and scheduled. This is good for me.
Truth be told we are just in a really random place now. Holidays...events...company. And no end in sight. It's ok. It's a season. If I had started this blog in September I could be my Happy Homemaker head high. Right now it's down. To the wind. Pressing through a mountain of commitments. Sigh. No one to blame but myself.
Today we ate leftover event food. Olive tapenade. Fancy crackers. Grapes. Bananas. And...ummm...not much else till dinner.
Dinner was baked ham with mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans. Green salad and rolls. Better!
Oh...and I did do eggs and bacon for David for breakfast and packed him two ham and provolone sandwiches for lunch. And Doritos. Thanks, Moses!!!
I'm still on a shopping "fast". No buying anything for a while. Good thing I'm a stockpiler. It will be a while before we really feel the pinch.
Tomorrow and Friday I am doing a wedding rehearsal dinner/reception. Expect more random eating from this all-American family!
Truth be told we are just in a really random place now. Holidays...events...company. And no end in sight. It's ok. It's a season. If I had started this blog in September I could be my Happy Homemaker head high. Right now it's down. To the wind. Pressing through a mountain of commitments. Sigh. No one to blame but myself.
Today we ate leftover event food. Olive tapenade. Fancy crackers. Grapes. Bananas. And...ummm...not much else till dinner.
Dinner was baked ham with mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans. Green salad and rolls. Better!
Oh...and I did do eggs and bacon for David for breakfast and packed him two ham and provolone sandwiches for lunch. And Doritos. Thanks, Moses!!!
I'm still on a shopping "fast". No buying anything for a while. Good thing I'm a stockpiler. It will be a while before we really feel the pinch.
Tomorrow and Friday I am doing a wedding rehearsal dinner/reception. Expect more random eating from this all-American family!
Big Event
Today we ate nothing at home. I worked an event with Moses and ate mostly hors'dourves-y type food all day. The little ones went to the zoo with Aubrey and Alyssa and had a picnic. So...no food news today.
The event was amazing though and well worth the 16 hours I put in. And that time was nothing compared to what many others did. Still...so fun!!!!!
The event was amazing though and well worth the 16 hours I put in. And that time was nothing compared to what many others did. Still...so fun!!!!!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Frittatas, Apple Crisp, Pork Soft Tacos with Homemade Tortillas
Today was definitely cast iron skillet day. Every meal was made in my favorite skillet.
This morning (another exceptional day because David was home) I made a frittata. I love these crustless quiche. They make the best use of odds and ends that are in fridge and pantry.
Today's frittata contained chopped ham, a bit of breakfast sausage from another meal, tomatoes, onions, potatoes left from last nights supper, shredded mozzarella and eggs. I sautéd the onions, ham and sausage in my lovely, black, well-seasoned cast iron skillet and then added the remaining ingredients. (I beat the eggs with milk and added the mozzarella to the mixture before pouring over all the meat/veggies in skillet.) A few minutes on the stove top and then a few in a 400 degree oven. Yum!
No official lunch today. Breakfast at nine...no one was hungry by noon. David heated up a soft pretzel from New Year's Eve. I made apple crisp in my skillet. Love that skillet! I take as good care of it as I do my children. (Not really.) But I do keep it oiled and treat it very nicely. It gets the best shelf in the oven. What? We always store our skillets in the oven!
Anyway...Apple Crisp. I had some apples that I have been meaning to use. Today I made a scrumptious apple crisp with cinnamon, sugar topping and melted butter. To be truthful we ate it for lunch with vanilla ice cream.
Last of all we had soft tacos made with the pork left over from yesterday. I sautéed it in my skillet with some rice, beans and tomatoes, added some taco seasoning and served it with homemade flour tortillas.
We may have some hot chocolate and popcorn later because this is the last day of holiday before we get back to the daily routine. We'll see. Right now we're satisfied with our meals and all we ate today.
One thing this is helping me see is how little fresh veggies we eat. Of course it is January. Must take that into account.
One other thing. I know that this blog is not beautifully worded and attractively presented. That's ok. It's really for me...because I like food. I like to cook it, look at it, plan it, eat it. And I'm finished apologizing for simple food. It's what we eat.
This morning (another exceptional day because David was home) I made a frittata. I love these crustless quiche. They make the best use of odds and ends that are in fridge and pantry.
Today's frittata contained chopped ham, a bit of breakfast sausage from another meal, tomatoes, onions, potatoes left from last nights supper, shredded mozzarella and eggs. I sautéd the onions, ham and sausage in my lovely, black, well-seasoned cast iron skillet and then added the remaining ingredients. (I beat the eggs with milk and added the mozzarella to the mixture before pouring over all the meat/veggies in skillet.) A few minutes on the stove top and then a few in a 400 degree oven. Yum!
No official lunch today. Breakfast at nine...no one was hungry by noon. David heated up a soft pretzel from New Year's Eve. I made apple crisp in my skillet. Love that skillet! I take as good care of it as I do my children. (Not really.) But I do keep it oiled and treat it very nicely. It gets the best shelf in the oven. What? We always store our skillets in the oven!
Anyway...Apple Crisp. I had some apples that I have been meaning to use. Today I made a scrumptious apple crisp with cinnamon, sugar topping and melted butter. To be truthful we ate it for lunch with vanilla ice cream.
Last of all we had soft tacos made with the pork left over from yesterday. I sautéed it in my skillet with some rice, beans and tomatoes, added some taco seasoning and served it with homemade flour tortillas.
We may have some hot chocolate and popcorn later because this is the last day of holiday before we get back to the daily routine. We'll see. Right now we're satisfied with our meals and all we ate today.
One thing this is helping me see is how little fresh veggies we eat. Of course it is January. Must take that into account.
One other thing. I know that this blog is not beautifully worded and attractively presented. That's ok. It's really for me...because I like food. I like to cook it, look at it, plan it, eat it. And I'm finished apologizing for simple food. It's what we eat.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Sunday...
Today was a really different day. Because it is New Year's day we were up late last night and slept in. Only one service today (with Rev. Cody Marks!!!) at 2:00. So our normal 3 meals are thrown out the window today. I normally try to keep everyone on a pretty regular schedule of meals...breakfast, lunch and dinner at regular times...and an afternoon snack for the girls when Julia gets home.
As far as today's meals go:
This morning I got up around 11. I know! I know! I cannot remember the last time I lay in bed that late! I was cruising Instagram on my phone and checking email, writing down some resolutions...just kicking back and enjoying the morning. Everyone else was still in bed...no pressure.
I decided that pancakes sounded good. Did not jive with my "eat more healthfully" resolution. White flour, white sugar, HFCS in the syrup. Decided today was a holiday. Made the pancakes.
Before I left for service this afternoon I put several thick-cut pork chops (part of the pig we butchered in the fall) and some potatoes into my Dutch oven and put it in the oven at 200 degrees. This baked merrily all by itself until I got home and made a green salad.
One of my personal resolutions is to eat less meat this year. Mostly because I feel better when I follow a plant-based diet. Organically raised, home-butchered meat is probably my best meat option, but I still chose to forgo the meat. Everyone else enjoyed it very much.
David doesn't go back to work till Tuesday, so tomorrow will be another atypical day. We'll see what unfolds!
Recap:
Breakfast: Pancakes
Dinner: Pork Chops, Potatoes and Green Salad with homemade ranch (and I don't mean from a package!)
As far as today's meals go:
This morning I got up around 11. I know! I know! I cannot remember the last time I lay in bed that late! I was cruising Instagram on my phone and checking email, writing down some resolutions...just kicking back and enjoying the morning. Everyone else was still in bed...no pressure.
I decided that pancakes sounded good. Did not jive with my "eat more healthfully" resolution. White flour, white sugar, HFCS in the syrup. Decided today was a holiday. Made the pancakes.
Before I left for service this afternoon I put several thick-cut pork chops (part of the pig we butchered in the fall) and some potatoes into my Dutch oven and put it in the oven at 200 degrees. This baked merrily all by itself until I got home and made a green salad.
One of my personal resolutions is to eat less meat this year. Mostly because I feel better when I follow a plant-based diet. Organically raised, home-butchered meat is probably my best meat option, but I still chose to forgo the meat. Everyone else enjoyed it very much.
David doesn't go back to work till Tuesday, so tomorrow will be another atypical day. We'll see what unfolds!
Recap:
Breakfast: Pancakes
Dinner: Pork Chops, Potatoes and Green Salad with homemade ranch (and I don't mean from a package!)
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